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Zombie Apocalypse

Philosophical theories that proclaim an inevitability component, hold that eventually these contrarian theories will be proven true, given enough time. In other words, the scruffy guy with the cardboard sign that says "Repent, the world will end tomorrow!!!" will eventually be proven prophetic. But then again, no one will be left to credit his foresight, proving a different theory: timing is everything.

As I have been roaming the barren landscape of the modern television dial, otherwise known as the cable guide, I have found shows that tap into my inner doomsday fear. After submitting myself to episodes of Doomsday Preppers, Doomsday Bunkers, Jericho, Revolution, Terminator, and The Walking Dead, (to name a few) I find that I have not taken the end of civilization seriously enough.

Some of you may be newbies to "Prepper" philosophy, so let me explain. Some cateclismic event is going to happen, civilization is going to collapse and we will be left to fend for the basics. Their theories of causation range from the absurd to the more likely and their preparations from simple to purchasing a multi million dollar condo in a converted ICBM missile silo (each featuring its own Mayan Calendar). They prepare by stockpiling water, food, firearms and ammunition. (The anti gun Preppers hoard pepper spray, which of course makes them Pepper Preppers.)

I struggle with the fact that these Preppers are probably a Happy Meal without the toy. But some of these bizarre scenarios, though not probable, may be possible, at least according to the scruffy guy with the cardboard sign. What if they are right.... or better said, not entirely wrong? The world may not end, but civilization may become less civilized and there may be great shortages of Grey Poupon. What must be done? Prepare of course, stock up on mustard.

I have ultimately concluded that the Preppers are no more nuts than those who do not prep. One side is wrong until they are right, the other right until they are wrong. In the end of my analysis I fall back on my life as a Boy Scout: Be Prepared. If that makes me a Prepper, so be it.

I am in pretty good prepper shape even without trying, which makes me an Accidental Prepper. I live in the sticks (literally in the woods on a hill) and it is much more defensible than a condo on the thirteenth floor of a high-rise in the city. I have a well for water, and septic for waste, so the in and out can be handled without having to rely on local government. We have arms, and feet for that matter, so again we are protected. With an increase of our canned food and dry goods we will be fully prepared for the zombie apocalypse.

For currency I think I will stockpile toilet paper. That way I am prepared for both the runs and a run on the bank. By now I hope that you see that prepping for the end requires thinking outside the box.

It appears that I am now the scruffy guy from the corner, but instead of holding a cardboard sign, I have a blog. So Repent, the world is going to end tomorrow....or the next day, or maybe the next, or maybe December 21st, or Groundhog's Day. Regardless, Be Prepared!

Jim is am an attorney and graduate of Gonzaga University and Marquette Law School. He lives in Spring Prairie near Burlington. He has been in private practice for 17 years. He is in the process of closing his practice due to a diagnosis of Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). He his married with 6 kids. Jim is a community blogger and is not a part of the Gazette staff. His opinion is not necessarily that of the Gazette staff or management.