When a letter divides a family
I know a Janesville man who sends me letters to the editor periodically despite his wife’s wishes that he not do so.
An adage suggests you shouldn’t discuss religion and politics in mixed company. As I pointed out in a recent blog, despite the fact I deal with politics daily in this job, I usually keep my personal views to myself, even among relatives. It doesn’t help that I have one close relative who’s extremely conservative and another who’s just the opposite.
No wonder, then, the headline of “Letter to the editor wasn’t intended as insult” caught my eye on the Annie’s Mailbox advice column in Sunday’s Gazette.
It seems a man holds opposite political views from his daughter-in-law of six years. He got along well with his son’s new wife early on, even though he knew her politics were different. That changed, however, when she wrote a letter to the editor of the local paper that “contradicted my beliefs and principles.”
That led to a dispute between the man and his son.
“I certainly recognize that we are privileged in this great country to be able to express ourselves openly, but I believe there is such a thing as propriety,” the man wrote in a letter to the advice columnists. “I considered the letter a personal affront, and it ultimately caused alienation.”
I thought the man was contradicting himself. Freedom of speech is OK, he seemed to be suggesting, as long as you shut your mouth when your politics differ from those of your father-in-law.
I thought the response of advice columnists Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar was spot on. The man took personally something that apparently wasn’t intended to insult him.
“Your daughter-in-law is entitled to write a letter to the editor expressing her views whether or not you agree with her. Unless she publicly named you as an adversary, you should have let it slide. In fact, touchy subjects should be off limits unless you know you can have a debate without creating ill will.”
Politics in this state and nation are more divisive than ever. Have you experienced any family disagreements over a letter to the editor or a political discussion? If so, have you been able to maintain civility and speaking terms?
I hope so.
As Mitchell and Sugar suggest, sometimes it’s best to simply “agree to disagree.”
Greg Peck can be reached at (608) 755-8278 or gpeck@gazettextra.com. Or follow him on Twitter or Facebook
Nov 1, 2012 at 2:33 p.m.
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"pilitics" is a skin disorder usually found on the buttocks and always accompanied by pain. Hence the saying.
Oct 31, 2012 at 12:23 p.m.
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If pilitics can divide a family, then the family wasnt that close to begin with....blaming politics...lol. That is funny.
Oct 31, 2012 at 8:45 a.m.
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I am constantly receiving political (garbage) from friends, mail, telephone, and television. I have no problem throwing the mail out, hanging up the telephone, muting the television and telling my friends I don't like to discuss politics for fear of losing a friendship. Case closed!
Oct 30, 2012 at 9:01 p.m.
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Let's face it, the real problem with discussing politics is that the discussion of "politics" in everyday real life is used to expressed our inner most fears, hatreds, and contemptuousness. That's why talking politics is troublesome. The last thing you want to do is foist your fears, hatreds, and contemptuousness on other people. This is even the case when they agree with you.
In other words, the politics of others, even when they agree with you, leaves you thinking that they are a-holes. At least that's how I feel.
Oct 30, 2012 at 2:30 p.m.
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I wonder if the teacher also said something nice about Romney, but the kindergartner remembered only the one about Obama. ... Janesville elementary schools -- public and private -- vote Friday for president, as they have done since about 1988. We hope to get the results for Saturday's paper. -- Gazette reporter Frank Schultz
Oct 30, 2012 at 2:04 p.m.
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My Grandson came home from Kindergarten yesterday and said, "Barack Obama did okay, and he should be able to stay"! I asked where he heard that, and he said his teacher! They shouldn't tell kids that no matter what side of the fence they sit. Hope that doesn't become a letter!! LOL Maybe today he will talk about the other side. I heard they are voting for President in school this week.
Oct 30, 2012 at 11:16 a.m.
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My husband (and I) and his sister are about as far apart politically as can be..except for their brother, who is even further from her. She thinks we are indoctrinating our kids, and the BIL thinks the SIL is indoctrinating our kids. My kids are getting old enough to possibly debate with her soon, as for now they do see why we have our opinions, so it is just better that no one brings it up during visits because it all just leaves us frustrated.
Oct 30, 2012 at 10:36 a.m.
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Right on! Facebook is a perfect example of "family" and "friends" pushing their political views on each other. We have people telling others to "defriend me until the election is over" when they don't agree. I'm sure back in Washington/Lincoln days there was many a argument over their views from many family and friend. But on-line people will state their opinions they wouldn't say in anothers presence. It is crazy a person would even get in that discussion either on line or in person. We should all be able to choose our own leader. That is what this electoral system is all about, and we know may the best man win isn't always the case.
Oct 30, 2012 at 10:08 a.m.
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proartist, nice comment. Quote: "Quite often when ideas are honestly shared, a common ground can be found on one or more issues." To bad our government cannot work like that. Instead it has to be the Republican way or the Democrats way. And they seem to be constantly at war over our major issues. What an example our leaders set for us wouldn't you say?
Oct 30, 2012 at 9:43 a.m.
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Perhaps the reason there is such animosity and such a wide political divide is BECAUSE people are too timid to have a conversation. Quite often when ideas are honestly shared, a common ground can be found on one or more issues. When people are afraid to voice an opinion because of differing views, we all lose the opportunity to educate and, more importantly, LEARN from one another.
Oct 29, 2012 at 8:13 p.m.
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To funny we do the same at our family gatherings. No politics to be discussed and nothing about immigration either. You be amazed at what can happen if it gets started lol. I am a firm believer in the best liar is going to win this election, so hear is to the best liar and god help us all......
Oct 29, 2012 at 4:38 p.m.
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Its no wonder I refuse to support either party of government. Not only do they drive us nuts with nonstop adds about all the faults of the other guy but then it turns into disputes behind closed doors at home. What ever happened to American Government for the people and by the people where everyone pulls together to resolve issues facing our country? Kind of like our forefathers intended it to be. Can you imagine what George Washington would say if he knew how our government runs this country now? Or how about any of the leaders that contributed to the writing of the constitution? I bet they would all defect in shame for our political system and beliefs. Is it any wonder why some people have wars at home over the political state of this country? And the sad truth is, neither side is right. Until there is a political party that ALL the people agree with there is going to be wars at home and families divided. Abraham Lincoln had a first hand experience with families divided. Brothers at war with each other because of their beliefs. How long before another civil war because of our government divided? Is it coming? Is the demonstration that is scheduled for Nov. 3rd in Washington D.C. the first step? It makes me wonder.
Oct 29, 2012 at 3:56 p.m.
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Last time I visited my stepson, I started the conversation with a "no politic talk today". Made for an enjoyable afternoon discussing other subjects with neither of us getting frustrated with each other. Also will be glad after November 6th when I can "unblock" a couple of relatives who are flooding it with political postings. Would rather see pictures of their kids and grandkids .... Who, btw, are in for a dire future if both parties don't start acting in the interest of the country instead of constantly keeping election or reelection as a priority. imo
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