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A Foreigner In My Own Country

Oi everyone!! This time I am writing to you from somewhere much closer than in all my previous blogs; this time I am writing from good ‘ol Janesville, Wisconsin. That’s right! As of July 2nd, I’m back in the United States after my 10 month exchange in Brazil. I have to admit, it’s good to be home again. But, it’s not an easy switch back to American life, so in my last entry for all you faithful readers, I will close by telling you my experiences on coming home.

Well, to get home I travelled 18 hours on planes, not counting layovers and whatnots. I went from Porto Alegre to Sao Paulo, then to Atlanta, and last to Milwaukee where my parents, brother, and grandparents were anxiously waiting for me. It was a long trip, but I didn’t really mind it; I befriended some nice business people from Iowa before I left my Brazilian state. (They were agents for John Deere Co. - go figure!) Anyways, for the last month I was in Brazil, I didn’t know if I wanted to leave or not. Part of me was unbelievably excited to see all my friends and family again, eat Culver’s custard, and all the other good stuff I missed. But the other part of me was, and still is, so attached to what I had there that I nearly cried just thinking about having to leave it all. I mean think about it! I exchanged everything I had ever known for a new life I would have to build more or less from scratch: new families, new school, new friends, new city, new rules, new food, new routines, new culture, new everything! And with the 10 months I stayed in Brazil, I was able to leap out of my comfort zone and construct a completely different one around myself, and thrive within it.

So I went through my goodbyes to people and students at my school, my Rotary club, my best friends, and my host families. It was different than saying goodbye to people before I left in 2009 from the US, because at that time I knew that I would see all my American friends and family again eventually. But who knows where the lives of my Brazilian acquaintances will lead them; there are many people I bet I’ll never see again. And as was the sad reality of leaving my host country after almost a year of interacting with these people and adapting their ways of life. But whether I wanted to or not, I had to return. I didn’t know what waited for me when I got back to the United States. I knew I’d find almost everyone I’d left waiting and ready to embrace me again. But I didn’t know how things had changed, how people had changed, or the question everyone asks me, how I had changed. I noticed small differences here and there, like becoming more responsible, more mature, things like that… but I didn’t know just HOW different I had become. Actually, I still am not 100% sure what else has changed, but I’m quickly discovering that I changed a lot more than I thought I did.

Let me back up a bit and just share with you a little something I wrote in my diary as I waited for my plane to Milwaukee in the Atlanta International Airport: “I never thought I’d be as scared of my own country as I am right now. I was kind of excited when I got off the plane and I was okay because there were still other passengers speaking Portuguese around me. But once I got through security and to the terminal, I freaked… I seriously couldn’t breathe; I’m so nervous and out of place right now. I feel like a foreigner in my own country. I decided the first thing I would buy was a drink from Starbucks. As I stood in line, I planned out how to order the drink, but when the woman asked I still started speaking Portuguese to her. The news is on the TV behind me, the conversations I hear are all English… it’s so weird! I am seriously getting a headache!” So that describes my first moments back in America, and the craziness didn’t end there. My entire first week I felt so strange wherever I went, like I didn’t belong. Actually, it still happens that I am overwhelmed by whatever surrounding I’m in and get angry easily. The irritation problem is apparently normal for exchange students, according to a psychiatrist whose session I went to at a conference for exchange students. Because as we deal with readapting, we are flooded with questions about the country we’ve just returned from, making it even harder to let go of it. Many exchange students put off unpacking as long as possible, simply because they feel that once their reorganized, the experience will end for good. I’m definitely dealing with that too.

While I was away, I learned… well a LOT. I learned not only about Brazil, but about my own country, not to mention myself. I learned that it is indeed possible to make one of my BIG ideas turn into a BIG reality, like with my benefit concert. Oh! Forgot to tell you the results of that! There were a little over 100 people there and I raised about $800 (US dollars) for the school for disabled children and adults, so the show was a success. Also, I learned how much can change when you leave your home and how difficult it can be to accept those changes as your new reality. I’ve learned that now I will always have two countries that I love and call “home.” I’ve realized how lucky I really am to live where I live and have what I have. I’ve discovered that although it may seem strange or scary, everything can be a new opportunity or experience that can change your life if you let it. I’ve developed a new way of thinking about my life and the world around me. I’ve become, if possible, more outgoing and less embarrassed about what I say and how I am. I’ve earned and gained more independence, both as a young adult and as a person. And now, I know that just because a bird is placed in a new forest, that won’t keep it from flying.

Thank you all so much for following my many adventures. It was my pleasure to let you see into my exchange year and hopefully I was able to show you something you didn’t know about Brazil. This has been, without a doubt, the most incredible year of my life, and will remain so for the rest of my life. If you or someone you know is thinking about doing an exchange, stop thinking and do it. You will not regret it, and you will not forget it. There’s a lot I have yet to discover here, and still many things to do. But I know that every step I take forward, I will always look to the footprints I have left behind and remember the journey they stand for.

Obrigada e tomara que a gente se ver logo!

(Thank you and I hope that we see each other soon!)

Haley

Haley Drozdowicz is a Craig High School student who's visiting Turkey. She's studying there as part of the Rotary Youth Exchange Program. Haley is a community blogger and is not a part of The Gazette staff. Her opinion is not necessarily that of the The Gazette staff or management.