"Everyday terrorism"
Beth Wheelock is the Public Relations Director for YWCA Rock County, and not an employee of the Gazette. The following views are not necessarily those of Gazette management.
Domestic violence is hard to understand.
Many people believe they'd leave at the first sign of abuse, but it's often not that easy.
Take, for example, Julie Schebig's story. This Madison woman says her estranged husband was controlling, but wasn't physically abusive until he beat her with a hammer and left her for dead. As Julie explains in this video, women don't knowingly enter abusive relationships.
In fact, a new study likens domestic violence to terrorism. The study shows an intriguing parallel between what we traditionally consider terrorism, and what the authors term "everyday terrorism". Survivors live in constant fear that their abuser will find them. "Terrorism" has been used a lot in the wake of the Oak Creek shootings, but it is also applicable in this situation.
So what can we average citizens do?
First, understand the misconceptions surrounding domestic violence. The following information is provided by YWCA Rock County's Legal Advocate.
Misconception #1 – Domestic violence occurs only in the lower class or between minorities. Although they play a role in DV, DV knows no color or socioeconomic status.
Misconception #2 – She must have done something to deserve it. No one ever deserves to be physically hurt.
Misconception #3 – Why doesn’t she just leave? There are plenty of reasons that make it difficult to leave an abusive relationship. A woman might not have access to money, child care or transportation.
Misconception #4 – Once out of a DV relationship, the victim can just move on with her life and pretend it never happened. PTSD is real and doesn’t just happen to soldiers, police officers, or victims of natural disasters. It occurs on many different levels, and can sometimes be triggered later on in life if not diagnosed and treated properly the first time around.
Next, become an advocate.
Becoming an advocate is as simple as clicking "like" on our facebook pages. Then you'll receive our updates and details on upcoming events. Our next event is Walk a Mile in Her Shoes September 14 at the Pontiac Convention Center in Janesville. Rock County men slip into women's shoes and walk a mile to raise awareness of domestic violence in our community. We are recruiting walkers to participate--no high heels required!
Information on Walk a Mile: www.ywcawalkamile.org
If you or someone you care about is in a dangerous situation, call our 24-hour emergency help line at (608) 752-2583.
Peace, Beth
The authors of this blog are employed by local non-profit organizations and not the Janesville Gazette. Their views are not necessarily those of Gazette management.
Aug 12, 2012 at 8:28 a.m.
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sigma...., the relationship between two people is much more complex than the relationship between one person and a hot pan.
Aug 11, 2012 at 10:41 p.m.
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Sigma...Right there is one example of abuse. Congrats. It's called emotional and mental abuse when you do as you do. To act so superior and righteous is in it's self abusive. Once again, check yourself, your chauvinism is showing.
Aug 11, 2012 at 12:56 p.m.
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Ok, its not stupidity, its lack of common sense. We are supposed to avoid things that hurt us, and if it does dont do it again. Like grabbing a pan out of the oven with no mitt. YOu do it once and you will remember...IF YOU HAVE COMMON SENSE. If you cant learn from your mistakes... repeating the same thing over and over again expecting different results is insanity. Its a combo of lacking common sense and a psych disorder/mental illness. Geez.. might qualify for a govt hand out.
Aug 11, 2012 at 8:37 a.m.
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As I said in an email to a commenter here: violence is violence.
Change the pronouns if you like. Let's find a solution.
-Beth
Aug 11, 2012 at 12:40 a.m.
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Not to stoke the fire here...but...couldn't all of these "misconceptions" be worded to be gender neutral?
Equality will never be achieved until such is the case on both sides of the aisle.
Aug 10, 2012 at 11:05 p.m.
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"Enlighten yourself before sticking your foot in it."
Why would he do that? He hasn't bothered to all of the dozens of other times.
Aug 10, 2012 at 10:45 p.m.
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Sigma.....As a survivor I find your comment to be one of the most insulting, asinine, and sanctimonious pieces of tripe heard in a very long time. With an attitude such as that, I would believe that you could act as an abuser. It isn't an easy choice especially as there are 7 forms of abuse. Enlighten yourself before sticking your foot in it.
Aug 10, 2012 at 8:44 p.m.
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Sigma40
Your statements are simply untrue. It has nothing to do with being "stupid", sometimes staying a little longer is a necessary and hard choice. It is not easy, or simple, ever.
Aug 10, 2012 at 5:02 p.m.
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It is very easy to walk away. The harder it is to leave is a balance of stupidity, like moths fly into fire, dumb people walk back to violence. Its pretty simple.
Aug 10, 2012 at 1:04 p.m.
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According to the Department of Justice, 73% of family violence victims are female; females were 84% of spousal abuse victims and 86% of dating partner abuse victims. Of the perpetrators of family violence, some 75% are male.
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Obviously, men can be victims as well as perpetrators, and women can be perpetrators as well as victims. Studies also show that in situations of violence both men and women are equally likely to strike the first blow, but men are generally, due to their physical characteristics, capable of winning these confrontations and doing more to injure or more rarely kill their victims. The important thing is that we learn about the dynamics of family violence and provide both victims and perpetrators appropriate solutions (which can include criminal penalties) to stop the cycle of violence. I don't see any point to nitpicking a program designed to help people when it uses the most common example.
Aug 10, 2012 at 12:07 p.m.
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...and that link would work better without the parentheses.
www.wcadv.org
Aug 10, 2012 at 12:05 p.m.
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From the WI Coalition Against Domestic Violence (www.wcadv.org):
Anyone can become a victim of domestic violence. Abuse occurs in all racial, ethnic, economic, religious age groups and across the lifespan. Victims are primarily female, although men can also be harmed. Abusers who use power and control to get gain and maintain power and control include spouses, partners, adult children or other family members and some caregivers. Intimate partners may be of the same sex or opposite sex.
Aug 10, 2012 at 11:54 a.m.
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wjbecky, can you provide a source for this claim?
Aug 10, 2012 at 10:49 a.m.
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NVgrf - You are right, men can certainly be abused by their spouses too -- but it's MUCH less likely so speaking about women is appropriate. But thank you for the reminder!
Aug 10, 2012 at 10:35 a.m.
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I recently worked with a male who was well over six foot and 200 pounds. He would come to work with facial marks regularly from an abusive, alcoholic wife. He would not respond in kind in that he was raised like most our age to never strike a female. He finally moved out and is in the process of divorce. Why no mention of the fact that domestic abuse can run both ways in the story? Men are not exempt.
Aug 10, 2012 at 10:35 a.m.
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Wonderful article.
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