On Being an Older Mom
My daughter was playing with some toys set aside by the business we were in, and the salesperson serving me asked, “How old is she?” “Three,” I replied to this ready-to-deliver-any-day young first time mom. “And when are you due?” I asked. A pleasant exchange of small talk ensued as we waited on the saleslady’s computer to begin working. And then she asked, in a hesitant way with drawn out words, “Soooo, is she your daughter, ooooor your granddaughter?”
Granted, I’m 45 years old now, so technically I could be the grandmother of a three year old. But, I cringe just a bit when this question is asked (it’s only happened twice so far). I know this will happen again as I, and my daughter, get older. When my daughter is ten, I’ll be 51 (yikes!). That’s definitely grandma age. I had a co-worker who became a grandma for the first time at 31 (she was 16 when her daughter was born, and her daughter was 15 when she had her first child).
Having children at an older age is fairly common now, of course, and what a miracle my daughter is to me. She and I were looking through my collection of Australia memorabilia the other day (I student taught there a “few” years ago—well, make that 23 years ago!) and I was reminded of the family of 16 children in Australian history whose last child arrived when the mother was 45. Older moms were plentiful in history, and they are today.
I look forward to being a grandma…several years from now! I believe we’re each given our children when we’re meant to have them. With age, though comes less energy, but more patience. Probably a good thing with this strong-willed child of mine!
Are there any other “older” moms out there who’ve experienced these questions? How do you handle them? How do you keep up with your child’s energy and curiosity as they grow, yet take good care of yourself?
Brenda Schultz lives in Milton. She is a stay at home mom of a 3-year-old, formerly a public school teacher. She cares for other children part-time, and teaches beginning piano. Brenda is a community blogger and is not a part of The Gazette staff. Her opinion is not necessarily that of the The Gazette staff or management.
May 20, 2011 at 7:48 p.m.
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I get the same thing as the 46 year old father of a 5 year old.
May 20, 2011 at 3:41 p.m.
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I will be celebrating my 50th Birthday next month with my 11 year old. Although I have a few people think I am his grandma most people can't believe I am going to be 50. I think I am a better parent today than I would have been at 30. He is the joy of my life and he keeps me young.
May 20, 2011 at 2:15 p.m.
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I'm 40 and have a 5 year old. Fortunately people think I'm younger than I am so I haven't gotten the grandma question yet. I have a doctoral degree and having a child earlier just wasn't feasible with all of my schooling, financial issues etc... Waiting just made sense to me and I think I'm a better parent for it. It's kind of weird for me to hear a lot of people I graduated high school with having kids that are now graduating high school or college because I just can't comprehend that. How do I keep up with my little bundle of energy? I try to stay healthy & active, which also helps to lead by example.
May 20, 2011 at 11:02 a.m.
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I think the "older parent" is more "in style" now and happens a lot more often now. People are adopting too in late 30's and up.
I cannot see how somebody would want to be a parent at 20 now. That seems more weird to me than a 40 yearold parent.
Any body watch some of Dr Phil yesterday? 69 year old dad with 24 yr old twins and DISrespectful.
They said stuff like "you only had us to take care of you when you are old"
DR Phil said "does that make you worry??!!!!"
NO crap.
Living at home and WONT move out.
Parents bought them a house and complained garage wasn't big enough- BRATS- get the tow truck and a restraining order and get the ___ out!!
Kids said you never made it clear for us to leave.
Dad gave an eviction notice.
They said they don't respect the parents and have plent of time to do that "if they feel like it"
Kick in the ___ if you know what I mean.
Wonder why I wont have any-gee. Seems something went wrong along the way-you think?
Been walked all over since the start.
May 20, 2011 at 10:24 a.m.
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I too am an older Mom. I had my 7 year when I was 44. I think I got more comments from our hometown when I was pregnant more so than now. I can remember two times when someone said something about me being his grandma and one lady commented when I said I had a 7 year old.. she said YOU have a 7 year old? Like I have one foot in the grave or what? I love being an older Mom but also was a young Mom. I have 3 other children, ages 31, 29 and 26 and also a grandson who is 5. I would not trade my life with anyone. I love it! People's comments are a reflection on them not me! We keep up with our son just fine, of course my husband is 6 years younger, but we dont' really even think about how old we are, only how lucky we are!
May 20, 2011 at 9:47 a.m.
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Personally, I was the daughter of older parents and I absolutely hated it. My friends all had younger more hip parents and mine was so old fashioned and embarrassing to me all the time. I vowed that when I had kids I would do so before 30 and if none came by then I would have none. Luckily I had all 3 of mine by 26 so I got to be that young mom. I was a grandma at 49 and I have to say..I love my grandbabies but they wear me out. I had alot more energy as a younger mom. My advice to you would be...don't be old fashioned, listen to your daughter and the trends that are out there. Don't make her wear things that YOU think are okay,,,,,,make sure it's something in style. You will be fine if you listen and stay young at heart.
May 20, 2011 at 9:46 a.m.
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I bet your patience is a bit better.
I am still to chicken to do it though.
May 20, 2011 at 8:24 a.m.
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I can tell you some crazy things people have said to me like "Is he your grandson?" and when I responded say no he's my son the response was "I am not used to middle aged people having children." I said when you don't know it is better to err on the side of young.
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