Striking a balance
We started out the morning early by making two loaves of bread from scratch…she loves to knead the dough (instant play-dough!). We went on to a play date…a nice time of visiting for both mothers and daughters. Back at home after lunch, we sat under a large blanket covering two dining room chairs and an art easel munching orange carrots and talking about the purple carrots we would grow this summer in our backyard garden. Later, I made up scenarios of “what that song reminds me of” as we listened to our Suzuki violin CD on the way to violin lessons (her favorite music game at the moment). Still later, while watching our after dinner video, we talked about the animals in one of our BBC Planet Earth DVD’s. At bath time we made up new versions of the ABC song. After bath we picked out our favorite books and snuggled in for 30 minutes of reading before bed. We said our prayers, out went the lights, and I began to clean up the kitchen and finish the laundry.
So goes a typical day for the wife and daughter of a pastor. He often has 12 hour days and, because of that, so do I. I’m grateful that I can stay at home with our daughter…that was our plan all along. I know in today’s economy I am not the only mom who feels a bit stretched at times with a spouse’s long work hours. I can remember my own father working one full-time job, and one part-time job for quite a while…and my mother worked as well. For us, though, there isn’t any family close by for that occasional break.
The time my daughter and I have together is irreplaceable, fostering a close bond between us and many, many memories for later in life. It can be tricky at times to create a balance of great interactions between us, plus some grown-up time for myself. Uninterrupted time with one’s spouse becomes a priceless rarity.
How do other stay-at-home moms with husbands who work long hours balance their many roles and still maintain their own identity?
Brenda Schultz lives in Milton. She is a stay at home mom of a 3-year-old, formerly a public school teacher. She cares for other children part-time, and teaches beginning piano. Brenda is a community blogger and is not a part of The Gazette staff. Her opinion is not necessarily that of the The Gazette staff or management.
Apr 9, 2011 at 6:21 p.m.
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Brenda - do you honestly think that those of us who work (and then race home to try to find a little tiny bit of time with our children) don't need to work to keep a sense of who we are too? We are all made up of many roles, values, relationships... That's who we are.
Apr 9, 2011 at 2:17 p.m.
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I get it, you miss the connection to you. Your daughter is now old enough to start enjoying the things you are interested in. Do you have a hobbie you can begin to teach her?? Photography, gardening, etc. I love to draw and do photography and when my dd was little I started to teach my dd how to do these things so we could go off on adventures to get out of the house. Also maybe hubby can find just a couple of hours every few weeks for the two of you to do lunch, nothing fancy just grab a couple of sandwiches and meet at the park and talk. That is the real connection you are missing. Face time and talking, the connection to one on one time without kiddo intereupting. Works wonders :-)
Apr 9, 2011 at 1:30 p.m.
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Maybe you could change places with your husband if you are having an identity problem?
Apr 9, 2011 at 10:57 a.m.
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No identity confusion or complaints, friends :) Just a scenario and query out to all those moms whose husbands work long hours and hopefully a bit of support to them :)Loving the time my daughter and I have, and the fact that achieving that balance is "tricky" just means one must be a bit more creative :)
Apr 9, 2011 at 9:56 a.m.
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I, too, know that exact feeling you describe, as we made the choice for me to stay home until the kids were in school. Now that I work full time, I long for those days of bread baking, ABCs and gardening. It wasn't until years later that my husband knew and kind of understood that feeling of "is this all there is" and "is this all I will ever be?" What is precious in God's eyes is totally different that what is precious in the worldly view. What you are doing is very important... as a matter a fact, the most important job you could be doing right now. It is worth it, and you kids will remember those days.
Let your husband know that "us time" is needed. Sometimes we get so busy with our jobs and taking care of others, we almost feel guilty about taking that "me time." As stated before taking care of yourself and your marriage will also make you better able to be who you are to the best of your ability, and help you feel confident about this season of life you are in right now. Honestly... it will pass all too soon, and you will wonder where the time went.
Apr 9, 2011 at 8:43 a.m.
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Interesting comments.. I think Mrs. Schultz is just seeing things from her own perspective. While her husband works, her world consists largely of time and activities with her daughter. So she wonders if she is losing herself (her identity) to her role as a mother.
Apr 8, 2011 at 2:56 p.m.
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(eyeroll) IMO you can't contribute your best to a whole until you're at your best yourself. Knowing your own identity is a big part of that.
Apr 8, 2011 at 10:31 a.m.
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Sigma, you totally missed the question.
Apr 8, 2011 at 10:20 a.m.
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Its easy... dont work so long of hours. Find a different job. Whats the point in living if you spent 95% of your life 9other than sleeping) Working???? Thats no way to live.
Apr 8, 2011 at 8:43 a.m.
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When home becomes work and work becomes home...
Brenda, there is a good book called "The Time Bind" by Arlie Hothschild. Check it out.
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