Waiting
One balmy day not long ago my daughters and I headed to the park. We tend to rotate parks based on whim, and on this day Schilberg Park in Milton won the straw pull. We knew we would swing, slide, and laugh. We didn’t know we would learn the story of a family born through adoption.
We arrived early and I was surprised to find we were the only souls there. We had the place to ourselves, a novelty we enjoyed. After a short time, we were joined by another mom with soft dark curls and an adorable toddler. We greeted each other and whirled around the park in separate orbits until our children pulled us into the same one. My 3 1/2-year-old and her 2-year-old crawled into a tunnel together and sat, side by side, peering at one another and conversing.
We began talking, and the mom told the story of her son’s adoption from Thailand. Since I met her, I can’t stop thinking about waiting.
You find out you have been accepted for an adoption after a long wait, and then you are sent a letter that changes everything: the letter contains a photograph. In an instant, you know the face of your child, and his or her name. And then, seeing him, loving her, taking her face into your heart and saying his name aloud a hundred times...then, you wait. Months and months will pass until you can fly to wherever he is and bring him home.
The waiting of pregnancy is difficult enough. But it, at least, is waiting for an unknown; you might-- or might not-- know the sex of the baby, and you might even know the name, but you could never know the face of your child (despite the 4-D ultrasounds that claim differently). But in waiting for an international adoption to go through, you are waiting for a real live child with an angel face and a name that already exists. And yet. You cannot have him, this child who has taken residence in your heart, this child who is destined to be yours. Not quite yet.
If you are an adoptive parent, how did you pass the time you spent waiting? Was it agonizing or joyful?
If you aren’t, what has been the most difficult period of waiting in your life as a mother?
Dana Petersen Murphy is a stay-at-home-mother who lives Janesville. Dana is a community blogger and is not a part of Janesville Gazette staff. Her opinion is not necessarily that of the Janesville Gazette staff or management.
Oct 29, 2009 at 9:35 a.m.
Suggest removal
SuperDave, I believe she did mean to use "drawing straws" idiom, as she was deciding for herself which park to go to. She metaphorically drew straws to decide on which park to play at. Taking a "straw poll" would have meant getting other people's opinions on the matter.
drawing straws: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drawing_str...
straw poll: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straw_poll
Oct 26, 2009 at 8:59 a.m.
Suggest removal
Great article! topsgt132 - Very touching post. Congratulations!
Oct 25, 2009 at 11:08 p.m.
Suggest removal
Thanks for responding Dana. Yes I know...it just kind of jumped out at me. I think you meant to say "straw poll", not to be confused with "drawing straws". Sorry to distract from your otherwise great article. Regards, SD.
Oct 25, 2009 at 11:01 a.m.
Suggest removal
Waiting for my own daughters to give birth. I watched and coached, 2 of my grandchildren as they entered this world. How amazing to watch your offspring, have their offspring. I will never forget it.
Oct 24, 2009 at 7:01 p.m.
Suggest removal
What a beautiful story, thanks for sharing! And don't worry, I got the "straw pull" reference immediately.
The most difficult time of waiting for our family is when our son was in the NICU. He was born 13 weeks early and the neonatologists do not tell you how long your child will be hospitalized for. They wouldn't even give us any idea, because there are so many complications that could arise. They do not want the family to have their heart set on a certain number of days,weeks, or months that it will be before they can bring their little one home. We found out the day before our son came home, and it was a 59 day wait. Unfortunately, after 3 days home he went back into the hospital for 2 weeks.
The waiting period for any child should make us all realize how precious and wonderful children are and that we are so lucky to have them in our lives.
Oct 24, 2009 at 1:21 p.m.
Suggest removal
Okay, SuperDave, I should have just said "We drew straws and Schilberg Park won." Drawing straws, as I'm sure you know, means to make a decision based on choosing straws from an unseen set of straws of different lengths. Sorry to mix up the idiom! But that's what I was trying to get at: a random choice.
Oct 24, 2009 at 11:16 a.m.
Suggest removal
No, seriously! "Milton won the straw pull"?!?
Oct 23, 2009 at 11:02 p.m.
Suggest removal
I will put a plug in for the foster care system. My wife and I adopted a beautiful little girl that is the joy of our lives. We looked into adopting a child from another country first, but then looked at children here in our area.
We were foster parents for a while (no small task) and were able to help out other children caught up in bad life circumstances along the way.
We had our daughter in our home for a year while the all the details were being worked out. It cost us nothing other than our time and care.
It's a win-win situation for everyone involved.
I will warn people though, fostering is not for the feint at heart.
If your curious, start here: http://www.wifostercareandadoption.org/
Oct 23, 2009 at 7:11 p.m.
Suggest removal
I'd be happy to get to the point of waiting. Financial issues over the last few years have us putting off adoption until we're both done school and find new jobs. It wouldn't be too bad if we were still in our twenties.
Oct 23, 2009 at 2:33 p.m.
Suggest removal
MY wife and I had three boys, she being adopted we thought we would adopt a little girl, we went through the state of Wi adoption agency, (I dont know if that even exist anymore) anyway we waited about a year and they called us and said they had a 4 year old girl and she was beautiful, we could hardly wait to bring her home, we had a couple of prelimnary vists first that went well and it was finally finalized. It turned out great, my wife died in 1985, our adopted daughter now has a boy and girl of her own. just my two cents.
Oct 23, 2009 at 1:19 p.m.
Suggest removal
"While We Wait: Spiritual & Practical Advice for Those Trying to Adopt" is a new book that speaks to the waiting. The author's blog, while waiting for first and then the second adoption, can be found at http://www.dearsamandsophie.blogspot.com...
Oct 23, 2009 at 9:24 a.m.
Suggest removal
"the straw pull"?
Oct 23, 2009 at 6:29 a.m.
Suggest removal
Dana..Hopefully you will take a father's perspective on adoption. My wife and I adopted two beautiful, warm, funny, awesome children from Korea. The first part of the wait is easy. Then one day the phone rings and you are told that the Agency has a child for you. You go and see the picture and don't hear half of what is said because you are mesmerized by the photo. Then, for me, the real wait began. Waiting for the machine that is our Government to process the visa and arrange for a flight home for your child. The anxiety at the airport waiting for the flight to arrive and your child to go through customs. It's a very emotional ride. I have a friend who adopted through Russia. You travel there, meet the child and start to bond with them, come home and wait for paperwork to be processed, then go pick up your child. I've done it twice and would not hesitate to do it all over again tomorrow. Just a father's perspective. Thanks
Before you post a comment, consider this:
Note: GazetteXtra.com does not condone or review every comment. Read more in our User Policy AgreementPost Comment
Commenting requires registration.