Once once has a child, one is never "done" with children. Oh, to be sure, they grow up, move out, have children of their own, but no matter what, they are still your children. Even in the very sad event of the death of a child, they are still your child.

Deciding when to stop having more children has to be a mutual decision between the partners. This is one of those decisions where the "no" trumps the "yes". You stop having children when one of the partners says "no".

Making that decision is intensely personal. Some couples can have 8 children and manage just fine - waiting for more. For others one is too many. I do think many of the factors you mention (personal finances, housing, transportation) are important to consider, but it has also been (correctly) said that "if you wait until you can afford a baby - you'll never have one".

Every child is unique and an instant life-changer. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. All I can wish you is happiness with whatever decision you and your spouse make.

We kinda left it up to God, as the Dr. told us we would never have any children. Here we are 33 years later with 3 grown kids and 2 of the most gifted grandchildren you could ever ask for. I would not let the naysayers influence you,Children are a blessing NOT a carbon footprint, you will know for sure when you are done. If you are waivering then obviously you aren't finished. I have 2 girls and a boy and am so glad we were blessed with them. Adopting or fostering is a nice idea, if you want to go that route. I loved the birth experience and decided I'd do that. If it doesn't bother you to go the other way, then by all means do ti! I agree with the lady, if you were done you would know it without a doubt!! Good Luck with your decision!!

Here are some scary numbers to factor into your decision.
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Please adopt or foster. WE HAVE TRIPLED THE WORLD POPULATION IN ONLY 90 YEARS!
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This is a human crisis, and we should be focusing our attention and resources on the children we have, not dividing resources into more.
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World population 1950: 2.5 billion
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World population present: 6.7 billion
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World population 2050 projected: 9.1 billion
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How DENSE can we get?

If people want to extend their families but worry about the global footprint I would ask you to consider fostering or adopting one of the thousands of kids already out there waiting. It isn't always easy and not for everyone, but there is great need and the rewards outnumber the drawbacks. I know..I did it and will do it again.

I knew the instant my first was born that he was enough to fill my life - and for the planet to take on

I just feel like pipping-in here, because I am bored. <grin>
I am not taking the *green* view, nor the moral, ethical, emotional, physical,and or pro/con view on any certain number of concubine. I Fathered two wonderful now Adult children. I raised them alone perdy-much/ with great assistance and help from many influentual partners.(and yes some not so good too. Single parenthood is a gambet at best. But I didn't plan to be a single parental-unit.) To answer the question of when to say when? I would reply most likely in a complicated way. Advice for the young at heart, take in a infant for a deration of time first to make sure your ready for the entire responsibilities/ because I do not want my tax dollars to pay for what you should be paying for. Yah can think your ready, but in essence, you may be fooling yourself. ( And usualy nobody else, BUT yourself.) The world socially, psychologically, spiritualy, financially, global relationship wise, just the state of our human condition/conscience now days, Uggghhhhh! Come on don't you read the news? Don't you see all the stife and discernement going on? You hear about school bullies, poverty's reflection upon society, missing children, prison overloads, check out the pedifile maps in your area! Abusive parents killing their children in some unconcievable manor, for some totaly inept reasoning. Abductions. Human traficing. Decline in farms to produce product to feed the nation alone? The Teachers contracts. education statistics as a whole compared to other nations. The mom driven with kids, applying lipstick, talking on her cell, running red-lights. The over taxed Dad that just cannot make ends meet anylonger and ... H1N1. OMG The End Is Near!!!
With that said, Yeah...Two is a good round number. I'd have to answer the question with a firm Number Two. (then git fixed dearies!)

ok i had 4 girls we had one that had lukimia but dosent have it now and doing good yes my hubby would of liked a boy too but after the 4 we decided that was enough .we manage on our own by working ect .we didnt use the government or anything.we did it on our own .my hubby comes from a family 17....i wouldnt go that far lol...so i feel its up to the people if they can afford and love the kids they have .i know theres some nuts out there that uses the government ect or neglect thier kids if you cant stay home from bars or drugs dont have kids then

wow, sannio must have been the third kid in the family!

I am a mother of one. Not by my choice, but by what others are saying was "God's". My husband and I are high school sweethearts, he is a college graduate with an excellent job, I went to school for Child Care and taught preschool and day care for over 15 years. We LOVE children. And we struggled for 3 years and two miscarriages to be blessed with the beautiful daughter we have. We went on to try to concieve for 5 more years. We spent thousands of dollars seeing doctors and going through medical treatments that women should never have to go through.
I drove a minivan for 8 years hoping to put more than one child in it. I had people ASK me when I was going to fill the van with more kids. I finally got rid of that van.
The "norm" is to have more than one so it seems. Why is it so bad to have more than two?
Ask yourself: Am I loving myself, and my family enough to make room for one more? Can I accept the responsibities that come with having another? Will it make that much of a difference when it comes to heating your home, putting food on your table, or the long term goals such as college, medical expenses, etc?
I work in a school district where people are struggling to make ends meet. Their children come to school hungry, they are needing warmer clothes for the winter, and they can't afford the $2 for the field trips. Their parents may only have 2 children. But many of them have more. Would that 3rd child really make much of a difference in the end? Maybe.
I always wanted just one more. That's what I said in my prayers every night. "Please. Just one more."
I am so thankful and blessed to have my beautiful, bright daughter. Having not been able to MAKE the choice to have more, I feel I am a better more attentive parent. I don't want to miss a step in her life and have to wish I could do it over again. knowing I'd never have the chance to fix mistakes, or do things differently with the "other one" makes me think a lot harder about the choices I make when raising her. Her dad and I are so greatful to have had this one beautiful "moment" every day.
I think what ever decision a person/couple makes about having more, should always reflect what kind of parents you are to the children you already have. If you feel overwhelmed, tired, or like you aren't spending enough time together, more is probably not a choice to make. However, if your life (AND your family's) is feeling like it's missing something, than maybe another is what you are looking for. Dig deep.

woody,
I think you should check out this video about the decline of the family:
http://www.demographicwinter.com/index.h...

as a totally single, with no kids, 31 year old, I figure I'm doing quite nicely at my nice round 0. When I consider changing crappy (literally) diapers for the conceivable 3-5 years of having multiple children would require I suddenly think that maybe 'using' my friends children is close enough. =D

Watch this dvd about our planet...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_(docum...)

miltonmom...sure, just keep having kids because you "can". Open your eyes to the population problems around the world. God does not supply the food and housing to needy people, people do.

After we had our third, we were told by all of our doctors that we should not have any more, because most likely both the baby and I would die. Pretty scary news one day after giving birth!! Life went merrily on with our three beautiful children, and I happily sent that third child off to kindergarten to have 1/2 of each day free. 7 months later, albeit 7 weeks early, and with some medical scares along the way, #4 made his debut in our wonderful world. He is now 16, athletic, intelligent, and Eagle Scout-- and has made our family an incredilbe gift with his presence!! Just ask his older sisters!! The moral: WE don't decide when our family is complete. GOD does. He sent this guy along, at high risk to both his and my life. Neither of us should have made it through the pregnancy, and almost didn't a few times. But here we both are--sound, healthy and happy. Having a family is not a technical, practical decision. Each child is a gift from God, to accept and love in whatever circumstances we each have to deal with, at whatever time God sends them along. We have been through many tough times, but never starved, and always had what we needed--though maybe not all we wanted. The kids have all survived those traumas, had great childhoods, and grown into great adults. Relax folks--let go and let God!!

It's too many when you can't afford them or take the stress.

Right on, OPINIONSFORFREE !!! If we could all reduce, or as you so boldly suggested, eliminate excessively wasting non-essential items in the name of convienence our world would be a better place. Thank you for adding to the discussion - your ethical standards and moral compass are evident and thought provoking.

BikerJoe - Bless you and your wife!

Go BayMom - I know some people just like that, too.

I said while pregnant with my first that he would be my one and only. I said it for months afterwards. Then when he turned 14 months we found out we were unexpectedly expecting again. I can't imagine life without her now but in my heart when I said I was done I was done. I can say now that I feel complete with my two. I have heard more times than I can count that when you think you're done...have one more.

Been an easy choice for The Mrs an Me..
We have a house full and will always have room for one more.....
And we will continue to add to our family until were no longer able to do so...Don't know what the magic number is..12? or 120? .. You see, we Foster and adopt children with special needs.
Maybe if your considering another child, you might consider this option.. There are plenty out there waiting for loving parents..

Please stop calling science bull just because you don't like the answers.
http://www.livescience.com/environment/0...
http://greeninc.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/0...
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Having a child dwarfs almost all of the voluntary energy-saving actions a person can take during their lifetime. I don't think this should be the only consideration when weighing family size, but clearly the large family is simply unsustainable.
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At the same time, the US is already at sub-replacement fertility, a situation which tends to lead to aging populations supported by a smaller workforce ratio (examples include Japan, Italy, and Russia). We're actually doing well in this regard because of immigration (both legal and illegal).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sub-replace...
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This is partly a natural phenomenon noticed globally. As average standards of living increase, birth rates decrease. Thus even India's population growth is slowing as it develops economically.
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Ultimately we do not know what the globe's carrying capacity is. We do know that 6 billion people is straining resources such as fresh water, especially as glacial sources are depleted by global warming. The middle of this century will begin to see serious problems in agricultural areas that depend on fresh water, from above or below-ground sources (the US prairie states will eventually deplete their aquifer as well, but perhaps next century). It will become more challenging to produce enough food sustainably to feed the human population, even if we stabilize at around 10 billion as demographers expect.
http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0311/p07s0...
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This will probably be an overall good to mankind, but a global population decline will be a different sort of challenge (as noted, the demographics will skew old).

If you have more than two children you're contributing to the eventual demise of the human species.

please stop with the "carbon footprint" bull

Such a personal decision. And one that causes worry about if it is the "right" one. It was the converging of many factors that lead to our decision that two was enough.

My husband and I lost our first child at 10 months of age. I can say that there was NO replacing him, as people liked to imply that we could and should. Since then, we have had two wonderful girls. They are both very different, and take their own place in my heart. They are their own joy. Neither took the place of my son.

A couple of years went by after my last child. We were procrastinating on making a decision. Then I realized that more would just be more. More of the good and bad. I was loving having so much time to devote to just two.

After realizing that I was a carrier for future health problems in my kids, that was when I knew enough was enough. Still riding the fence, I discussed this with my ob gyn. He said he had never had a patient in my shoes come back and say they wished they hadn't gotten their tubes tied. I took him at his word and just went for it. That was ten years ago. I thank God that his advice was right on for me.

When I met my husband I knew he was the one. I was 15, and that was 24 years ago. You will know when you are done. When the time is right, you just know it.

As we keep taxing our natural resources because of overpopulation, we will wish we had less.

The world is already overpopulated. If you and your husband have a total of 2 children, you are only "replacing" yourselves. You can have a "green" family.

Every additional child you add means less time that you will be able to spend with each one. There are only 24 hours a day and kids need individual time with each parent. It is the most important job you will ever have.

I have 3 healthy, beautiful, intelligent children and I enjoy them tremendously. I though I may want to have "just one more" if I were to ever remarry.
I have since found myself in a loving relationship (3 1/2 years) with my fiance and his three wonderful/full-time kids. The idea to have "just one more" is completely out the window. If I would have been asked just 5 years ago (in my twenties) if I would be truely happy residing with 6 kids, I would have said they're crazy. My family does feel complete now. We are busy and we are having fun as a large family. We are not rich and struggle like everyone else in Janesville. (I want the chicken ordinance/we use approx 40 eggs per week)
My point being, you may not know how life will work out, but when it comes to children - you will love them and your house will never feel too full.

I love that women and their partners have the choice in the United States to decide how large their families are. We need to focus more on our health care and on access to reasonably priced contraception. Right now, insurance regularly covers Viagra, but not the birth control pill.

Oh, and i come from a big family, some were conceived when my dad was laid off. I can't imagine life without my brothers and sisters. We are all totally different but we all love and care for each other.
My parents now live for the holidays and you see the joy in their faces when we are all in the room together with grandchildren. I think this keeps them warmer than a huge retirement fund- they always have us to turn to for help.

Good luck on that one. The surest way to make God laugh is to tell her your plans.
I know a woman in Evansville, a sweet, hardworking friend of mine, who lost a daughter at age 7 in a car accident. Went on to have another little girl, then buried a stillborn infant two months ago- a tragic third trimester accident.
This is why when people say " I have my one or two" I think great, but there's no guarantee they will stay. Or that you CAN have another.
So many moms/dads I now say two is enough, but did they consider 30 years down the road? I think it is better to have more siblings, not less, no people don't end up alone in this world.
It;s not that kids have to be expensive, it's that children are not valued in this world. They need time and teaching, not cable TV and 3000 sq foot houses.

I suppose a great deal depends on the priorities and abilities of the family. I know families with nine or more children where the parents make their children a high priority and each child is loved and cherished as an individual. These families are turning out great human beings and I wish there were more (with any number of children) like them. On the other hand, I've known financially well-off families with only one or two, emotionally neglected and apparently unloved, children.

We need to examine ourselves to make these decisions, considering our health, monetary concerns, support networks of extended family and friends, and ability to give of ourselves. Thus far, a smaller family of has seemed right for my husband and me.

My wife and I are currently having that discussion, I feel that our family is complete and she feels that one more would make it complete.

I agree with your mother-in-law that you know when your family is complete. We had a boy first, then a girl. Most people said, you should stop, you have one of each! Something just didn't quite feel complete though and when we became pregnant by surprise with the third, everything just felt like it was supposed to happen. Today, I can't imagine my life without my youngest little boy. He makes me smile every single day and is a joy to be raising. We feel extremely lucky with the three we have and all are healthy. We absolutely feel like he was the missing link and we definitely feel complete now. It's just this overcoming feeling of contentment and happiness now that our family truly is complete. I say, if you're wavering, there is a reason and go ahead and have the third if you can manage to and take care of him/her. Good luck in your decision making!