Janesville54°

Keeping it pure

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Rick Horowitz
September 13, 2011
The real message being delivered was a shot across the bow: Any contender who wants a realistic shot at winning back the White House will need the tea party’s fervor to make it happen.”
--Politico, “Tea Party Power on Display at Debate”

We’re watching you.


We’re watching what you do. We’re watching what you say.


We’re watching who you work with, and who you talk to.


We’re the Purity Police. The Tea Party Purity Police.


If you want to move into the White House, or into the governor’s mansion, you need us. If you want to stay in the Senate, or in the House of Representatives, you need us.


It doesn’t matter who you are. It doesn’t matter who you’ve been. You can have presidential dreams and a presidential war chest. You can be a senior member of the Republican congressional caucus. You can be a popular former governor looking to make a comeback. We don’t care.


The “P” in GOP now stands for Purity.


If you’re with us most of the time on most of the issues? Not good enough. If your positions Way Back Then don’t square up with the approved positions Right This Minute? Not good enough!


Did you ever work across the aisle? Did you ever sign on to a compromise? Did you ever grow the size of the government?


Did you ever approve a tax increase?


You’re toast.


We are not shy about our views. We whoop when you agree with us. We boo when you don’t. Let the execution chamber do its work; we cheer for the execution chamber—and the busier, the better. Let the young man without health insurance die untended; he is not our responsibility. Send the illegals back where they came from. Eliminate an agency, or a dozen.


We are the engine. We are the energy. We have the fervor. We have the fever.


We’re taking names.


We have no tolerance for deviation. Deviation is for deviants. You will agree with Tea party doctrine—not partially, or half-heartedly, but totally and completely, with every fiber of your body and your soul. You will agree with tea party philosophy and tea party history, with tea party science and tea party math.


If you don’t—if ever you didn’t—we are coming for you. We’ve even invented a new verb for you: We will “primary” you.


That’s right: The “P” in GOP now stands for Primary. We will take you down.


So don’t even think about moving to “the center”—on our maps, there is no “center.” There is only one place. There is only where we are.


This is not your grandfather’s Republican Party. This is not even your father’s Republican Party. This is the new, sterilized and mobilized, purified and sanctified Republican Party!


If you harbor doubts…


If you favor more “moderate” approaches, or more “pragmatic” solutions…


Be gone! This is no longer your home. There is no room for you here.


Have we made ourselves clear? We always make ourselves clear. We’re the Purity Police, and we’re watching you.


The “P” in GOP now stands for—Perfection.


Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.

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