Ode to wingnuts
The etiquette's chancy, I grant you,
But answers will come to me soon:
There must be appropriate phrasing
For saying a loon is a loon.
A candidate running for office
Should have both her feet on the ground,
But what about those who might fancy
A broomstick to fly them around?
Consider young Christine O'Donnell,
Who "dabbled" in witchcraft, she claims,
There have to be ways to describe her
Sans giggling or calling her names.
"A pilgrim to life's hidden corners,"
"A spirit that's free of life's ruts,"
"A current just wide of the mainstream,"
Or might one suggest that she's nuts?
It's not just the witches brew eitheró
Each time that she opens her mouth,
Out pours some delusional pea soup,
While logic and reason head south.
One woman aflame with the glory,
One country devoted to God,
One nation without masturbationó
At least can we say that she's "odd"?
But hardly the only one running
Whose background is open to doubt,
Whose primary qualification
Is wanting the other guys out.
There's Angle and Toomey and Miller,
There's Buck, and of course there's Rand Paul,
They each have a screw or two missingó
Or must we not comment at all?
They want to be part of the Senate,
They swear that they're up to the work:
"The World's Greatest Blah-Blah-Blah Body"ó
Now starring the crazed and berserk.
But waitówe're supposed to be gentle,
Our comments more gracious, more kind,
So say what you must in a whisper:
These people are out of their mind!
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.