O, villainy! O, perfidy! O, Washington!

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Rick Horowitz
Thursday, May 20, 2010

We are angry.

Boy, are we angry!

You think you're angry? You've got nothing on us: We're every bit as angry as you are -- and then some!
You think you're angry at Washington? How do you think we feel?
We are Washington! So we're even angrier than you are!

By the way, don't expect to hear those words ever again -- the "We are Washington" part, that is. Being Washington isn't the sort of thing you brag about. Not this year, anyway. Not before November, anyway.

After November -- if we're still around, if we've still got a pulse -- then we'll see. Maybe after November the fever will break and we'll go back to being able to talk about it. Even brag about it, the way we used to do.

Not right now, though. Right now we're in full denial mode.

"Washington? Horrible place!"

Have we mentioned how angry we are?

Very, very angry.

* * *

Remember when we used to brag about it? We had "Washington experience," we used to say. We knew "how Washington works." That used to be a good thing. A positive thing.

Now they've made it sound like a Ponzi scheme.

And the bacon -- remember the bacon? We used to talk all the time about how we were bringing home the bacon for the folks back home. People wanted us to bring home the bacon -- and the more bacon, the more they liked it. The more they liked us. That's part of why they sent us to Washington, and turned us into Washington: to bring home the bacon.

Now it's like having porn on your hard drive.

"Nasty stuff, that bacon! Get it away from me!"

Have we mentioned how angry we are?

* * *

The worst thing about Washington is how it never gets anything done. Nothing but constant delays, and constant bickering. Procedural roadblocks everywhere you turn. Everybody trying to score political points.

Send us back there and we'll make sure it runs more effectively. More efficiently. We'll take that anger of yours (and that anger of ours -- don't forget that anger of ours!) and we'll whip the place into shape.

The other worst thing about Washington is how it's always trying to do things. Sticking its nose into everything. Nothing but big-government takeovers and big-government programs, and big-government rules and regulations everywhere you turn -- like people can't take care of themselves.

Send us back there and we'll make sure we jam a big stick in the gears. We'll take that anger of yours (and that anger of ours -- don't forget that anger of ours!) and we'll cut Washington down to size.

No wonder people are angry! They have every right to be angry!

Have we mentioned that we're angry, too?

* * *

It's time to send some outsiders to Washington -- and we're the best kind of outsiders there are! We're the kind of outsiders who know the dangers and the temptations. The kind of outsiders who know where all the bodies are buried. Who know exactly what not to do there.

You hate Washington -- we get it. We've heard your message loud and clear. We don't take it personally. In fact, we agree with you -- which is why we want to take your message, and carry your message right to the gates of the fortress itself. Let us bang on those fortress gates, and keep banging day after day, year after year, for as long as it takes. And with every bang, we'll be thinking of you.

You're beautiful when you're angry.

So are we.

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.

Last updated: 1:48 pm Thursday, December 13, 2012

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