Janesville71.1°

Those Toyotas: You’ve been taken for a ride!

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Rick Horowitz
February 25, 2010
What’ll it take to put you behind the wheel of a brand-spanking-new 2010 Toyota?
It’s Non-Stop Bargain Days here at Frantic Fred’s Four-Star Motors—and it looks like highway robbery! So c’mon down and check out the bargains just waiting for you—all makes, all models—at prices that simply can’t be beat!

Climb inside the Toyota Accela for the ride of a lifetime! Or check out the Toyota Ignora—287 horses straining at the bit and ready to open up on the open road. Just hit the gas pedal, and away you go!


Hit the other pedal, and away you go, too! In fact, you’ll be amazed at the feeling—like no driving experience you’ve ever had! But like we always say here at Frantic Fred’s, those are the brakes.


Hah!


You want to talk power? We’re good to go! How about the Ignora? 0 to 60 in 7 seconds flat! And 60 to 0? That’s something else again.


Just kidding! Just kidding!


Nothing we like here at Frantic Fred’s more than a great car joke, and the 2010 Toyotas really fill the bill! All that power harnessed to the very best fully computerized velocity-control system—one more breakthrough from Japan’s legendary automotive engineers!


What does it mean for you? It means the Accela can stop on a dime. Of course, it helps if the dime is eight miles down the road, and right next to a concrete bridge abutment.


Who needs “Zoom Zoom” when you can have “Zoom Zoom Splat”?


Hah!


These babies are definitely built to move—and they’re priced to move! So what are you waiting for? Make us an offer! The guys here at Frantic Fred’s are hungry for your business, and we’ve ordered our crack sales team to green-light any reasonable offer. But that only makes sense, because Toyotas are built for green lights!
Are we ready to deal? We’re ready to deal. Who’s the winner? You’re the winner!

But hurry. We can’t keep ’em on the lot—because they’re all back in the repair shop!


But seriously, folks…


Go ahead: Compare our prices with those other places in town—there’s a reason Frantic Fred’s is the area’s overall sales leader four years running. It’s our commitment to customer service—and we certainly oughta be committed, ’cause we think we’re selling the best cars around, and that’s no accident!
Do you realize that 90 percent of all Toyotas sold in the past 20 years are still on the road? And lots of the others are near the road, or even in some ditch right alongside the road! That tells you everything you need to know, doesn’t it?

You bet it does! It takes a special car to put up those kinds of numbers, but that’s exactly what you can expect from today’s Toyota, where Quality is Job 14.


Time’s a-wasting, boys and girls—when we say they’re going fast, we mean they’re going fast!
So drive in, walk in, crawl in if you have to—these are the real deals, and when this sale is over, these bargains have to end!

Frantic Fred’s: Buy a car from us, and you’ll never buy anywhere else.


We’ve got your 2010 Toyota—with performance that’s unstoppable!!!
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.

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