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A crescendo of innuendo

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Rick Horowitz
August 26, 2010
SEN. McCONNELL: The president says he’s a Christian, I take him at his word—I don’t think that’s in dispute.
MR. GREGORY: And do you think—how, how do you think it comes to be that this kind of misinformation gets spread around and prevails?
SEN. McCONNELL: I have no idea, but I take the president at his word.
--From last Sunday’s “Meet the Press”

Mitch McConnell says he’s a patriotic American. I take him at his word—I don’t think that’s in dispute.


Mitch McConnell says he has America’s best interests at heart. I take him at his word.


Mitch McConnell says he has no idea how misinformation about President Obama’s religious beliefs gets spread around. That’s his position, and I take Mitch McConnell at his word.


If I asked him, Mitch McConnell would tell me he’s never beaten his wife senseless with a hammer. If he told me that, I would have no choice but to believe him.


If I asked him, Mitch McConnell would tell me he’s never beaten his wife senseless with a leg of mutton either. I’ve seen no evidence to contradict Mr. McConnell’s assertions on the matter.


If I asked him, I’m sure Mitch McConnell would tell me that he and his wife have a wonderful relationship and that he’d have absolutely no reason to beat her senseless with a leg of mutton. Marital relationships are very personal things, and naturally I respect Mitch McConnell’s privacy in this area.


Let me reiterate: I have no solid information about whether Mitch McConnell has ever used a leg of mutton in a violent manner against his wife, or against any other person.


Unfortunately, official records concerning mutton attacks are frequently sealed by the authorities, so I’ll have to take Mitch McConnell’s word about his history of mutton attacks. If he says he never did it, that’s good enough for me. I can’t speak for other people.


If Mitch McConnell wanted to clear up any questions other people might have about his past connection with mutton attacks, he could certainly ask to have the pertinent records made public. As far as I know, he hasn’t done so.


Mitch McConnell may have his reasons for not asking to have the pertinent mutton-attack records made public. I’m sure they’re perfectly good reasons.


Personally, I don’t know what those reasons might be, although I’m sure the American people would be very interested to hear him explain them.


Personally, I think it would be easy to clear up any lingering mutton questions once and for all by simply releasing the records—but it’s not my decision to make. It’s a decision for Mitch McConnell and his conscience.


If Mitch McConnell chooses not to release the records and clear up the mutton controversy, then I certainly accept his decision. Whether keeping those records secret will satisfy the rest of American people isn’t for me to say.


And lastly, so there’s no doubt about it: Mitch McConnell says he’s never done anything wrong with mutton. I take him at his word, for Mitch McConnell is an honorable man.


Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.

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