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Just what he’s always…wanted

Dear Uncle Thorbjorn,

I hardly know what to say!

When the UPS truck pulled up at the South Portico the other day and they said there was a package for me, I knew it had to be something special. And then when they said the package came all the way from Norway, I was sure it would be something special.

But when they started to pull it out of the truck and I saw what it was, I couldn’t believe my eyes! What an incredible surprise!

You and Aunt Kaci are just the best—and so are Cousins Sissel and Agot and Inger-Marie. Be sure to thank every one of them for thinking of me!

I don’t even know how to describe it, except to say that it’s absolutely the biggest and shiniest statue I’ve ever seen! (I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to call it a statue—Michelle says maybe it’s a sculpture, or even a piece of “performance art,” like they have in some of the museums.)

It’s got so many moving parts, it’s hard to know where to look first! My favorite—so far—is probably that whirly-whatsis up near the top, with all the horns. The whole thing is brighter and shinier than I could ever imagine—I never knew you could make that many colors go together!

And the neon is an especially nice touch. At night, I’ll bet you can see the thing from outer space! And every time it flashes, I’ll think of you.

Every single time.

Even before we had it out of the box, the neighbors started dropping by to have a look, and they were even more amazed than I was. You wouldn’t believe some of their comments—it was the only thing anyone wanted to talk about for hours. And the smiles!

You definitely brought a lot of happiness to a lot of people.

Of course, not everyone was so happy. But you’re always going to have a few sourpusses around to try to spoil the fun. I think they’re just jealous because they don’t have one of these amazing contraptions for themselves.

Not that we want anyone to be upset at my good luck, so we may not plug the whole thing in right away. And even though your note said we should put it right out on the front lawn so everyone can see it, we’re still thinking about where it would have the absolute best effect.

For one thing, it’s almost bigger than our whole front lawn! Sometimes we like to have picnics and things out there—we’d hate to have anybody bang into it while they were playing Frisbee or rolling Easter eggs. I understand those halogen bulbs are very delicate. (So are the sirens.)

So anyway, we’re thinking about putting your super-special gift someplace where it might be better protected. We haven’t decided yet, but one of our very favorite places is Camp David, where Michelle and the girls and I love to go now and then for long weekends. It’s really pretty there, and one of our favorite things to do when we’re there is go for long walks in the woods.

In fact, there’s one particular place in the woods that might be the perfect spot for it.

Really deep in the woods.

Peace,

Barack

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.