Listening to our children has to start at a very early age. Even a 6 year old, will push the boundaries, if given half a chance. We all have our own idiosyncrasies, and we are the best judge of who are children are on the inside. What we do with that information and how we ourselves were brought up, influences how we raise our kids.
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Most of us have done a great job raising them, others wish they would have done things different. But if we are able to communicate why we set boundaries when other parents don't, our children will - if nothing else - have respect for us. (Maybe you won't get the kudos from your kids till they're grown, but hearing praise from your child, when they are adults, is awesome!)
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The peer pressure our kids are exposed to now a days, is harsh. So it is even harder for a parent to stick to their own family's rules, without ridicule from other parents.
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As far as some of these "barely twenties" posters on here, I don't count your comments as valid. You haven't walked in your parents' shoes yet! Your day will come! And I bet you will parent the same way YOUR parents did!

and the winner is: (drum roll, please)

janesvillean!

Communication is the key to good parenting, healthy relationships and, in general, a happier life with purpose and meaning.

People need to realize that children are progressively more and more independent. There aren't dual "before 18" and "after 18" levels of independence. Parents who recognize their kids and teens are self-directed and making decisions about their lives and safety all the time are going to have an easier time than those who simply forbid behaviors and expect compliance. Parents who communicate with their children will foster an environment where they won't seek out the kinds of secretive, abusive relationships where they can get hurt, or where they can discuss their own feelings without being frightened of a parental overreaction. It's not rocket science, folks. Talk to your kids.

ljs64, I disagree. Teaching your children to know whom they can and cannot trust will NOT make one wealthy. I am in the working poor, but my children know how to keep themselves safe and if a friend of theirs talks about wanting to do something that they don't think is a "good idea" (unsafe, illegal, etc) they not only discourage the activity, talk to me and sometimes talk to the friend's parent.

It doesn't eliminate crime, but it keeps my kids from being victims. There is a difference.

"and HOW CAN WE TEACH our child(ren) how to know the difference between a safe person and an unsafe (or potentially unsafe) person?? THAT, in my opinion, is solely the responsibility of a parent."
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Well, when you get that figured out you will be a wealthy person because once you have that answer there will no longer be any crime, violence or harm done to anyone. Good luck!

ljs64 and others: Yes, parents are allowed to parent their children. The question is, in my opinion, not ONLY about whether or not a child has a responsible parent, but rather WHAT CAN WE DO DIFFERENTLY to ensure our child(ren) is not the victim of "sexters", pedophiles, and other unsafe people that our child(ren) may meet--and HOW CAN WE TEACH our child(ren) how to know the difference between a safe person and an unsafe (or potentially unsafe) person?? THAT, in my opinion, is solely the responsibility of a parent.

We can't blame parents for the acts of unsafe people in the world; however, we CAN blame irresponsible parents for NOT PROTECTING or EDUCATING his/her child(ren). (BTW: It's NOT the SCHOOL'S job to educate the children you decide to bring in to the world. The responsibility falls on the shoulder's of the parent. The public school system is there to be an additional SOURCE of education...)

by the way no one is telling any one how to parent each others children people are sharing how they feel about parenting, obviously no one parents the same but that doesn't mean people can't share their experiences with parenting it helps to see what other people are going through

get a life all you do on here is bash people, this story isn't about young people who go to war it is everyday teenagers having access to things that can draw in sexual predators do you get that part?

latinmami2 wrote: "i totally agree with you about kids not having cell phones with full access until over 18."
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Then writes: "young people in the war is a little different than the average teen having a cell phone. Obviously if you have a family member in the war you want to communicate. That is fine"
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What is it?? If you want to live in a communist country please let me know, I'll buy you the ticket to North Korea.
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Parents are allowed to parent THEIR children (birth to 18) how they see fit.

young people in the war is a little different than the average teen having a cell phone. Obviously if you have a family member in the war you want to communicate. That is fine, but the issue here is that kids are aloud free use of cell phones and talking to god only knows who. Really I don't think teens need full access to cell phones, they are in school all day with their friends, no need to have to text them there, when they come home they should be busy with chores, homework, or sports so no need to have them there, on the weekends if they go out give them a phone with no extra features only need to keep in touch with parents if out with friends. I know that you do have to allow your children to make choices on their own and believe that how you have raised them will come in to play, but there are sick people out there who do not care about who they hurt, rape or kill and for that reason in todays world I think it is okay to be a little stricter with your child, it is only keeping them safe

Privacy.. is a BIG thing for teens... But to much can result in bad things happening .. SUCH AS (sexting)..
Sure your kids are going to be mad at you for a while if you dont give them the space or the privacy they want .. BUT once they get older they will realize .. THAT IT WAS ONLY FOR THERE OWN GOOD...

CallitasIseeit
I agree with you ..
i also consider POOR PARENTING...
yes,
kids need there space..
but to much can result in bad things happening..
no it doesnt <<ALWAYS>> happen... but when it does parents are Usually saying to themselves what could i have done to prevent this?????

i think that PARENTS are blamed a little to much for there kids MISTAKES.. everybody makes mistakes and nobody is perfect .. if you DONT??? let your kids make some of there own mistakes ..... HOW will they EVER learn?

melstew47-what are you asking? I am (was) a full time parent to my kids. They are all of age, in college and doing well. Were they perfect, no, but we had very few problems and I take credit for this. If the parents were truly parenting this would not be the problem it is. Yes, I blame poor parenting. You must be one of those slacker parents who say "kids are gonna do what they want, I can't control them" Or maybe your line is "They need to learn to be independent, so I give them the space". Kids need rules and just consequences if they mess up. Rummagesalesrock has given some good examples of how to do it.

why is their always one ding bat who always blames the parents for how and what some kids do.is this what happened to your kids? callitasiseeit hmmm?

swtlilone2... privacy and freedom for a minor are things they are NOT entitled to. It is earned and when the child thinks they have the RIGHT to technology that does not enhance the learning experience, it is foolish for parents to cave in.
You still live with Mom and Dad. You haven't grown up yet.
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Rummagesalesrock, awesome parenting in my opinion. I raised my daughters much the same way! And guess what? While at the time, they thought I was strict, now that they are in their mid twenties they have repeatedly told me they appreciate the way they were raised!
I picked my battles carefully with them.
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Piercings and tattoos? Nope, not till you're 18. Too strict? There's the door and it DOESN'T revolve! After they're out of the house for a year or two, working to support themselves, reality smacks them in the face and parents all of a sudden, become the wise ones. Funny how that happens!

JIMpl, thank you so much. We try very hard to be good parents. It is definitely something that takes effort that is for sure. :) My husband is a lot like you, he doesn't agree with the fashions and fads of today, I am a bit more relaxed and except the changes. We compromise, but our children don't get anything without respecting it. Entitlement isn't allowed in our home! (unless of course if is me wanting money to go garage sailing....then I make sure I let hubby know how much I deserve it!!! lol)

More power to you Jim. But I'm glad my parents let me have the freedom as I do, I am a lot more mature than most of my friends you have strict parents.

In my eyes having strict parents give the children more ways the break the rules.

I'm sure your child loves you but I couldn't deal with you rules! You would have a heart attack reading some of my text ! :x I'm used to my "freedom".

swtlilone2, please don't feel bad for my kids. They are unconditionally loved and supported fully. I'd guess my wife and I spend more quality time with our kids in a given week than many parents do in six months. Our kids don't have the latest and greatest video game systems, cell phones, or other technological wonders. And you know what? They [gasp] survive quite well without them. Shocking, I know.

I'm not sure why you commented about privacy issues in response to my post. I didn't post anything about perceived invasions of privacy.

But, since you brought it up, I'll comment on that angle. Trust is a wonderful thing. However, a home is not a democracy. The parent's job is to love and protect their children. Sadly, sometimes that protection might take a form unwelcome to the child, such as curfews, rules, and even what the child might consider to be an invasion of their privacy. Naturally, there are limits to it but I see absolutely nothing wrong with going through the text messages on a child's cell phone, especially if I'm the one paying the bill.

I'm glad texting allows you to stay in touch with your boyfriend while he's in Iraq. That is a genuine good use for that technology. What I fail to understand is how the average teenager NEEDS to have text capability. I have yet to have anyone make a strong argument for that. Sure, it is nice to have and it allows kids to stay in touch with each other. But, need? I don't think so.

And, you're partially right about being a legal adult. As far as I'm concerned, my house = my rules. If, upon reaching legal adult status my kids decide they want to live with their own rules, they are welcome to find their own place to live. If they are going to live here, they will abide by the rules of the house, regardless of age. Now, most of those rules are up for discussion, I'm not a dictator, despite what you might think. But, when all is said and done, my wife and are in charge, not our kids.

Rummage, don't misunderstand me. I know kids want texting, that texting is fun, and it does serve a purpose. I agree, everything in moderation. What I don't understand is the sense of entitlement among the youth of today. It is just sickening. It sounds as though you're doing some great things with your kids. I wish all parents would be as responsible as you.

and who says the kids don't "fake" their age. I know when I was younger to be able to get on some game sites for example pogo I faked my age.

JIMPL...you can't fathom the idea of texting, but today's age does. And whether we like it or not, our kids want (not need) these new technologies. And as long as my children are responsible and abide by our house rules, I see no need to omit those pleasures from them, but they are used within reason. Everything is fine in moderation.

With my boyfriend being in Iraq texting is the ONLY way we can talk sense (sp) he doesn't have internet yet.
Texting is needed to keep his family and I informed and to make sure he's safe.

Wow JimPl, I'm def glad my parents know a little thing called privacy and freedom.
What I do when I am legaly an adult is my buisness not my moms and dads. They've never read my text messages because they know how to respect me. I feel bad for your child.

Sure kids younger then high school don't need cell phones but jeez maybe the kids should be smart enough not to put their number online.
Sending nude pictures, you should have learned already that those things can show up on the net and ruin your life in the long run.
Kids need to learn some smarts, it takes two people to text :)

ljs64 wrote:
We can send our young men and women to war at 17, but they cannot have cell phones to call home or text their families while serving our country.
Brilliant idea.......Get a clue!!

Tell you what, I'll meet you halfway. Anyone who signs up for the military gets a free cell phone with text capability. It will be issued to them along with the rest of their gear when they report for basic training.

Otherwise, I'd agree that kids do not NEED a cell phone except in VERY rare circumstances. And I cannot fathom ANY reason why they'd NEED to have text capability on said cell phone.

Rules in our home are as follows.
1. Teen who has a phone does chores above and beyond normal chores to pay for the additional 20.00 per month it costs for his phone and texting on our plan. 2. There is a NO ERASE policy on the phone and random text checking at any given time, granted we are well aware that he may do so and probably does, but if he is caught he WILL lose his phone until he is 18, so the incentive to NOT do it is pretty large.
3. Phone gets put on the counter every night before bedtime, which is STILL ten o'clock and he is 17. 4. Texting is shut off with tardies, bad grades or lack of keeping up on his chores.
These rules seem to work for us, and promote responsible phone use. Granted there are always those **&^&% words and goofy talk, but that is to be expected of a teen. The key is to not let it get out of hand and to be active in your children's lives. I have seen so many parents say, oh but I can't do this and I can't do this because he/she will just do it anyway....AHHHHH NO! I can do whatever I darn well please (without corporal punishment of course...) it is MY responsibility that my children are raised with rules and respect and I will NEVER be intimidated by the 911 threats some kids give etc. Go ahead and call the cops, that will be the last time you do it, because you will no longer be living in my home! No parenting method is perfect. None. But to do the possible best you can do is what being a good parent is all about. We learn right along with them. Parenting is a hands on job.

I guess I just do not understand free rein with cell phones! What are parents thinking, anyway? Are their children so ostracized without a cell phone that their little one's life will self-destruct without one?
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We should have seen this coming. When Mattel started selling dolls with cell phones for accessories, a huge light should have gone off in your head!
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Can we stop trying to parade our kids around like short adults, and let them be kids? My 8 year old granddaughter knows kids with cell phones. For what? Don't bother telling me its so she can call you because she forgot her homework, or so she can call at the last minute to tell you she wants to have friends over. Issues like these give you (the parent) an opportunity to teach your child to be responsible. To pre-plan, to be sure they have everything they need for school, BEFORE they leave in the morning. This is a lesson they need for the real-grown up world.
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If your sole excuse for bowing to this demand from your child, is that you can be more accessible to them... think about it... so can a predator. In a school setting, once one child gets something out of the ordinary on their own cell, it will be spread throughout the school. Children can be quite cruel, as you ALL know. Once they text one friend, it might as well be on a billboard in the front yard of the school. Is your child really able to handle the repercussions?
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Our children are exposed to so much sexual material, through the media, their friends, family... and most of it is NOT age appropriate. Look at what is on TV. This is nothing compared to what they can find on the internet.

P.S. can be used to groom adults too.

ljs64 - has nothing to do with war it has to do with keeping our children safe from sexual predators and other things they don't need to be exposed to. Anyways when have you ever came on a forum saying something was a good idea. If fact you posted almost this same exact post on another forum, at least you are consistent with your horrible posts

We can send our young men and women to war at 17, but they cannot have cell phones to call home or text their families while serving our country.

Brilliant idea.......Get a clue!!

dudefromjsvl - i totally agree with you about kids not having cell phones with full access until over 18. They have phones out there that you can restrict the access on and they can come with gps as well

technology has made it even easier for predators to get to our children and that is scary and sad

I think adults should know better not to have sex with children, and children if dudes old enough to be your daddy, come on.

That's wrong in so many ways, I mean kids my age and younger don't have the mind set someone 36 or how old that man is..

They're not ready for that kind of relationship and thats so disgusting, and come on even being in a relationship who'd want someone to video tape sexual activity?!

That could get out everywhere do you want mommy and daddy to find you getting down and dirty..?

Parenting, now there is a novel approach. Unfortunately the vast majority of parents are too into their own lives to truly be parents. It is so much easier to give them what they want and let them do what they want and let the government (schools, juvenile centers, jails, prisons, welfare, etc.) take care of the problems they have created.

dudefromjsvl: Great Idea!
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Maybe we should not let people get a drivers' license until their 25.
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Maybe we should home school all kids so they have no contact with anyone other than their parents.
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Maybe we should learn to PARENT our OWN kids.

How about if you under the age of 18 years of age you are not allowed to have a cell phone theres an idea. If you are under 18 all you are allowed to have is a cell phone that calls out and are able to have calls in. No games, no cameras, no texting. WAY TO EASY HUH

Not to mention many cell phones today are internet capable, so teens can go on to "adult" sites and by doing so opens themselves up to more contact from bad people.
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Basically Parents need to know these things and i think cellphone companies need to come up with measures that allow parents to give a child a cell phone for the intended purposes of being able to communicate with them and being able to monitor and restrict other access.