Janesville69.4°

In a family way

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Rick Horowitz
June 25, 2009

“You saw the press conference?”


“Of course I saw the press conference. Very strange.”


“Very strange. And you read the e-mails?”


“Of course I read the e-mails. How could you not read the e-mails?”


“Absolutely.”


“Very strange.”


“Very strange. So he’s cooked, right?”


“Absolutely cooked. It’s not just the affair, or even his wife kicking him out—it’s all the other stuff. All the weirdness.”


“The Appalachian Trail.”


“The Appalachian Trail.”


“And disappearing! You can’t just disappear like that when you’re running a state. It’s…”


“Weird.”


“Totally weird. So he’s cooked.”


“Absolutely.”


“You think there’s more?”


“More?”


“You think we got the whole story?”


“Hard to say. Do we ever get the whole story?”


“Probably not. But we got enough of the story.”


“Definitely.”


“And he’s cooked.”


“Absolutely.”


“So how did they do it?”


“Excuse me?”


“How did they do it to him?”


“How did who do it to him?”

“The gays. How did they wreck his marriage?”


“I don’t think they wrecked his marriage.”


“Of course they wrecked his marriage! That’s what they do—first they threaten marriages, and then they wreck them.”


“It wasn’t the woman in Argentina?”


“She might have been part of it. She wasn’t all of it.”


“She wasn’t?”


“Not unless she was gay. Only gays wreck marriages—that’s what they say.”


“Gays say that?”


“Gays don’t say that. Other people say that. Family-values people say that.”


“About gays.”


“About gays. They say it all the time: If there’s one thing that wrecks marriages, it’s gays.”


“How?”


“How?”


“How do they wreck marriages? Did they introduce him to the woman in Argentina?”


“He didn’t mention that.”


“Did they arrange for him to visit her there?”


“He didn’t mention that.”


“Did they make him write those steamy e-mails?”


“He didn’t mention that either.”


“So how did they wreck his marriage?”


“I haven’t figured that out yet.”


“He didn’t wreck his own marriage?”


“That’s not how it works.”


“Gays wreck marriages.”


“That’s what they say.”


“Just by being gay?”


“By being gay. By acting gay. By wanting to get married to someone else who’s gay.”


“Gays wreck marriages by wanting to get married?”


“Not their own marriages. Regular marriages.”


“Man and woman marriages.”


“Exactly.”


“The institution of marriage.”


“Exactly.”


“They wreck that.”


“That’s what they say.”


“And not because he had the hots for some woman in Argentina?”


“She might have been part of it. She wasn’t all of it.”


“He’s still cooked, though.”


“Absolutely.”


“Very strange.”


“Very strange.”


Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.

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