Shannon Kerns watches her children eat pizza in the family's Evansville kitchen. Bryce and Brenna eat at the kid's table while Brandon, who was tired and irritable, opted to have his on the kitchen floor.
Shannon Kerns flips through the boys' hockey calender to point out their birthday which is January 20. Bryce, right, and Brandon will be 5, their sister Brenna is 2.
Shannon Kearns helps Brandon slip into his ice skates as twin Bryce looks on and sister Brenna plays on the living room floor of the family's Evansville home.
EVANSVILLE — Whose judgment would you trust: A reality show nanny or a small member of the feline family?
Sure, the nanny has her own television show.
But cats have an internal barometer tuned by thousands of years of domestication.
And the Kerns' family kitten likes and trusts Bryce and Brandon, the 4-year-old Evansville twins who will be prominently featured in Friday's episode of "Super Nanny."
The show brings British nanny Jo Frost to parents across the country "to help them with their badly behaving children and turn them into angels in three weeks or less," said an ABC spokesperson.
Frost, a "real-life Mary Poppins," offers hands-on, practical, tough-love solutions to a mix of parenting nightmares, according to the show.
But don't expect her to be nice about it.
And definitely don't expect your family to look good on television.
The Kerns' story starts more than a year ago when Shannon, mother of three, applied to be on the show. Her husband, Shawn, wasn't thrilled with the idea, but she eventually convinced him.
Shannon was hoping to get help with her twin boys, Brandon and Bryce, and her daughter, Brenna.
Here's what promoters at ABC had to say about the Kerns: "The twins, now 4-years-old, have outgrown toddler stage and know how to flip their parents the bird, hit, kick and curse like sailors when they are told, ‘No.' Their baby sister, Brenna, 18 months, is often the victim of their violence, and she mimics her brothers' aggressiveness, hitting them as well as other children."
On previews for the show, Frost noted that she "had seen dogs that were better trained."
When The Janesville Gazette visited the Kerns on Wednesday, Brandon and Bryce said "hello" like civilized people. A young cat wandered out from behind a piece of furniture, and when Brandon picked her up, she seemed content in his arms.
Of course, the cat is not yet ready to trust Brenna, the 2-year-old.
As Shannon described Wednesday the hoops through which the parents had to jump to get on the show—background checks and even AIDS testing—Brenna picked up the Gazette reporter's tape recorder and used it as a cell phone. She even managed to make it talk to her and grinned as she listened to notes from some other meeting.
Meanwhile, the boys watched a hockey movie on the Disney channel.
Shawn did not like the Super Nanny. He didn't like the film crew.
He suspects they were looking for something in the "Jerry Springer" genre and were ready to find it.
Shannon said she learned from Frost's visit but wasn't crazy about the experience.
"It was common sense stuff; it was very simple stuff, and she was here to tell us to get our butts in gear and do it," Shannon said. "But I don't think we needed to be yelled at for two hours. She thought that we were pretty pathetic parents. She told us that we were bad parents, that we were lazy parents, and people who know us know that's not true at all."
The film crew was at their house for 14 days. Cameras were installed in their home. The first few days were a nightmare: About 20 production crew members invaded their home; Shawn and Shannon were stressed, and the kids got all wound up.
It didn't help that crewmembers were saying things to the boys such as "Are you being naughty?" or "Are you being more naughty than your brother?"
One of the little guys decided to relieve himself on the lawn—it wasn't good.
Shawn and Shannon are worried about how their family will appear on television—and they're definitely done with news crews and photographers. When the Gazette's photographer showed up, the boys got cranked up again.
By Wednesday evening, the boys were getting tired. Brandon got upset because the cat had disappeared under the sofa—probably to hide from a smiling Brenna, who wanted to pet her.
But that passed. One of the boys came to say goodbye to the reporter and told her how their cat says "Meeerooowww" when their father picks it up and carries it away from them.
The cat, it seems, likes them best.
ON TV
Friday's episode of "Super Nanny" featuring the Kerns family of Evansville airs from 8 to 9 p.m. on ABC. Area ABC affiliates are WKOW Channel 27 in Madison; WTVO Channel 17 in Rockford, Ill.; and WISN Channel 12 in Milwaukee.