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Don't get wrapped up in emotion of gift-giving

JANESVILLE — Money and emotion go together.

Money, emotion and Christmas go together even better.

The first combination is like a badly mixed cocktail; the second is more like a Molotov cocktail.

Sure, Christmas is only a few weeks away, but it’s not too late to forcibly separate those volatile ingredients. You’ll still have a merry Christmas, and an even better, debt-free new year.

The first step?

Understand the connection between the ingredients.

“I think, over time, people in our culture have equated money with happiness and self worth,” said Rod Benstead, director of Consumer Credit Counseling of Beloit and Janesville. “Sometimes money and buying things becomes a substitute.”

The Visa credit card company has done the best job of marketing the connection with its “priceless” ads.

The message is: Spend money on this, spend money on that and you’ll end up with an experience that money can’t buy—except when it does.

Think about Christmases past.

“If I think about, ‘What do I remember from Christmases in grade school or high school or college?’ I remember things like the night I came home from college in a snowstorm,” said Benstead. “But I truly couldn’t tell you what I got for presents.”

Avoiding trouble

So what can we do about it?

First, consider your own spending habits. What are the particular spending quirks that get you into trouble? Some of us buy on impulse, or we make a budget and then can’t stick to it, or we have trouble limiting our spending in certain stores.

Taking control might mean applying draconian measures such as shopping only with cash or not shopping online where the lure of “one-click” buying can run up bills in a hurry.

Next, watch out for what Benstead calls “death by 1,000 cuts.” Often people feel obligated to give gifts to teachers, co-workers, postal workers, members of their bowling team and a half dozen other people.

It adds up.

Remember, teachers don’t expect gifts from kids, and the usual gifts they get—soap, hand lotion, little plaques with sayings on them—usually end up in a closet somewhere. How about a card that says, “Thank you for your time and effort with my child.”

If someone at work gives a you a small gift, it doesn’t mean you have to reciprocate. A personalized thank-you note is enough, Benstead said.

Does anybody really need a scented candle in a fancy jar, a silly coffee mug or a $12 box of chocolates or any other the other gifts that they get from an officemate?

“I’m not trying to be the Grinch or Mr. Scrooge,” Benstead said. “It’s OK to spend money; it can provide a lot of joy and happiness. But when spending in wrapped up in guilt, or trying to impress or trying to buy love, that’s when the wheels come off the cart.”

Finally, don’t forget the obvious: A budget.

“Try to take some of the emotion out of it,” Benstead said. “Simply make a list of who you’re going to buy for and the amount you’re going to spend.”

The Rev. Todd Pope, senior associate pastor at New Life Assembly of God, agreed with Benstead wholeheartedly.

“Set a budget and stick to it,” Pope said. “It’s that impulse thing that really kills people.

In his job, he spends a lot of time working with families—and he’s the father to two—so he understands the urge to buy the perfect Christmas.

A few years ago, his family decided to draw names.

“The first year we did it, I told the kids, ‘Just so you understand, you’ll be getting one gift this year—it will be a nice gift, but just one,’” Pope said. “Now they understand.”

He also knows a family in his church that pools all its money and then uses it to buy presents and a meal for a family that has nothing.

“How do you think they feel after Christmas?” Pope asked.

‘Give presence’

In a recent newsletter, Pope addressed the problem of Christmas spending, and directed people to a Web site called adventconspiracy.org.

The organization encourages people to rediscover or renew their commitment to the spirit of Christmas giving.

The Web site reflects many Benstead’s ideas, but from a faith angle.

It encourages people to “give presense”—the gift of being there, of sharing your time with family and friends.

It also encourages people to buy one less gift this Christmas and instead donate to an organization that provides clean water to people all over the globe. A donation $10 buys a child clean water for life.

To solve the drinking water problem on a global scale would cost $10 billion. That seems like a lot until you consider Americans spent $450 billion on Christmas last year.