Help is available for domestic abuse victims
To find help
Call the Rock County YWCA Crisis Line, which is staffed 24 hours a day, at (608) 752-2583. In Beloit, call (608) 365-1119.
Leaving an abuser
Marilyn Harris, program director for the Rock County YWCA's Alternatives to Violence program, offers these suggestions for leaving an abuser:
-- Have a detailed safety plan to get out.
-- Don't tell the abuser you're leaving or where you're going. Do tell a trusted friend, someone who can check up on you when you enact your plan.
-- Know where you're going, whether it's a shelter, a hotel or a friend's house.
-- Gather and store things such as marriage papers, birth certificates, extra keys and emergency phone numbers.
-- Be flexible. "It's a process to get ready, and then it's leaving when there's an opportune moment," Harris said. "If the time's not right, you're going to need to pull back."
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JANESVILLE — The fatal shooting Wednesday had the classic hallmarks of a domestic violence case.
She told him the relationship was over.
He threatened her, her child, and her new boyfriend and suggested if he couldn't have her, nobody else would.
Then he killed her.
Kerri Parker, executive director of YWCA Rock County, has seen it happen many times before.
"She did her best to take care of herself and her family, and it's a terrible tragedy she paid with her life," Parker said.
David Moore, Janesville's acting police chief, has seen it, too. At a news conference Wednesday, Moore said two-thirds of Janesville's homicides historically have been related to domestic violence.
So how can a person in such a position stay safe?
The sad fact is a victim can do everything right and still get hurt, advocates say. Even with restraining orders, victims are sometimes shot. And things sometimes get worse after a victim tries to leave.
But Patty Seger, executive director of the Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said statistics show victims can—and do—safely leave relationships.
Seger said:
-- Every year in Wisconsin, between 35 and 50 men, women and children are killed as a result of domestic violence.
-- Last year, 40,000 men, women and children sought services at domestic violence shelters, meaning they were able to break away from their abusers either temporarily or permanently.
-- Between 7,000 and 8,000 restraining orders are issued every year, and many of them were successful in keeping people safe.
"There's a whole range of activities people can do to protect themselves," Seger said. "We know there is nothing foolproof, but information is power."
The best piece of advice? Call your local shelter.
"When you contact the YWCA, you'll be connected with one of our advocates who can help you assess your immediate safety needs," said Allison Hokinson, YWCA community relations director. "We'll also consider if we have a good case for a restraining order."
If a restraining order is an option, the YWCA advocate will accompany the victim to the courthouse—often on the same day. It doesn't cost the victim anything to get a restraining order.
Then, usually within a week, the victim and the advocate attend a court hearing and argue for a restraining order for a longer period, up to four years. The perpetrator also attends the hearing.
It's then up to the judge or court commissioner to decide if a restraining order is needed.
What's needed for a restraining order?
It helps if the victim keeps a record of the abuse in a journal. Abuse means threats, physical and emotional violence against the victim or his or her family.
"Any threatening or abusive behavior or correspondence cumulatively adds up against the perpetrator," Hokinson said.
One nasty text message might not convince a judge to issue a temporary restaining order, but a series of them might.
"It could be a series of indicators over a period of time, or it could be a strong, single incident," Parker said.
Victims who are considering leaving can get help and advice from the YWCA, as well.
A safety plan brochure outlines practical steps to help victims through explosive situations and their aftermath. The brochure covers the basics of what victims need to take with them, some easy ways to take care of their emotional health and how to deal with restraining-order violations.
Apr 24, 2009 at 10:27 a.m.
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What the police don't know-- and it is not their fault, is all the times I tried to call and couldn't because my cell phone would be ripped out of my hands and smashed and the landline would be ripped out of the wall. My keys would be taken from me also. I am glad to say I finally got out of the situation and me and my kids are safe. I do respect police officers but I don't feel the Orfordville police department did their job that night- but being a small town- the cops are "buddies" with everyone and don't want any issues, Rock county wasn't much help either- they have bigger issues to deal with than a women and her kids being scared out of their mind.
Apr 23, 2009 at 3:25 p.m.
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I have been a victim of domestic abuse in Rock County. Zippy2-I had several very similar experiences with the JPD and RCS- they are not trained to handle these situations at all. And of course it's always easy for the woman with the children to move out and its always expected that she must deserve whatever she gets if she can't leave, right? Most people don't understand what happens in this type of situation and I'm waiting for the few who will blame the woman in this scenario for her death...The YWCA can help, but the extent is limited and they don't have enough space to accomodate everyone who needs their help.
I also feel there are too many restraining orders that are dropped after they are filed- who can even fathom why they do this? I never dropped any of the orders I had, and the JPD still never took me seriously. I would advise anyone who is in this situation to talk to anyone who will listen and don't be afraid to follow through with the restraining order- even though they don't really work; they are the beginning of the paper trail they will follow when the abuser comes to court.
Apr 23, 2009 at 2:10 p.m.
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I was in a situation once. I broke up with a guy, kicked him out, and he said he left something at the house. I never thought he'd be violent. He came in, choked me until I passed out, then bashed my head on the fireplace stones.He then sat there crying over "what he had done" and he was "so sorry". I finally convinced him to leave and drove to the ER. I just had to leave the house. I had a concussion and a nice shiner. The police told me I should go to a safe place for the night. I told them I would not be chased out of my own home. I went back home and to bed, and he showed up again. I called 911 and he left. The cops showed up, and I told them what happened earlier. Two hours later, he came back and broke in through the back door. I ran out the front and he came through after me, into the waiting arms of the police. I know, now, he would have killed me. (He ended up in prison for other offenses, and moved on.)The next day, a salesman for a security system (like ADT) came to the door. I signed up after telling him my story. He called his supervisor to tell her about the story, too.
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:06 p.m.
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domestic violence is a serious problem in our society, and it just doesnt pertain to men going after women it goes both ways,and mikki is right about kissing and making up. how does one expected to be protected if they dont abide by the restraining order and break it.this lifestyle causes serious repercusions on all parties involved especially children. its very easy for the police to say leave,and go where? most women in these situations have no money and no where to go. they need to make domestic violence a felony before actions that are committed that are felonies. my sister had her head bashed in with a cd case her foot broke and kicked in the head with steel toed boots, when i arrived she was laying on the cement sidewalk,the snake who did this was hiding behind a tree laughing,by the time the police got there, he was gone, but one officer from the jpd waited outside my sisters house until he reappeared,but he didnt laugh very much as he sat in jail for the 3 years following the incident. but at that time my sister was also told that if she would have been able to defend herself and struck him she would have been arrested,go figure after the beating she took she would have been arrested. i just didnt understand.
Apr 23, 2009 at 12:32 p.m.
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All I can say is that I was in a situation that left me trapped -- when a situation arose and my 11 year old son called 911 because he was concerned. the Orfordville police officer and a rock county officer did nothing to help me-I guess the crap that comes out of an alcoholics mouth is convincing enough for them. needless to say the police were called again -still nothing. I was told I should move out-- me and my kids. Maybe the police should realize not all calls are "minor" and that a couple will kiss and make up-- some are really needing help and are trapped-- not until we get hurt is anything done or a cop helps out- I'm not bashing Police officers by any means but they need to realize the control some of these men have on us
Apr 23, 2009 at 12:20 p.m.
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biggirl, ownership/possession issues are something to be solved in a divorce or separation. Leaving is the best way to reduce the chance of harm to the person.
Apr 23, 2009 at 11:43 a.m.
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Perhaps domestics aren't taken seriously because so many of the restraining orders, or orders of protection, are dropped.
Nobody shoes up to court, because by then the couple kissed an made up (until the next blow up).
I have seen that happen dozens and dozens of times.
If the police ARE called and there is proof something has happened, then someone is arrested and court is mandatory.
Apr 23, 2009 at 10:30 a.m.
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Domestic violence is not taken serious here in Janesville. My ex-husband physically assulted me and pulled a loaded rifle on me. Saying "he was going to end this for both of us". I fled to a neighbors house called 911. Police arrived found him and the gun(2 bullets in the chamber)which he hid behind the couch. After giving a statement to the police he was arrested and in and out of the police station within "2" hrs. The guns were given to my adult son to take to his home. The police were at my exhusbands home earlier that day because my kids who still resided with him feared he was suicidal, again nothing was done. He received a fine, was to stay away from me and went to anger mangement classes. No jail time! It felt like I was abused all over again. The system has big flaws. Before you ask...yes I pressed charges. He moved to Michigan thank goodness, but I was always fearful he'd snap again! So we need to have the Janesville Police Department take these situations much more serious. I was one of the lucky ones.
Apr 23, 2009 at 10:30 a.m.
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Thanks for the story. I must say that there really is something frightening about the assumption that the woman must always leave. Must she leave if they hold property jointly and if he has already destroyed their property to get back at her? Is she not worthy of being protected if she cares at all about her future? Why is the man allowed to stay in the house that they jointly own if he has beaten her?
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