Janesville man details descent into heroin hell
Read more
Click here to read more stories of the Gazette's series on heroin and its impact on Rock County.
Photo 
Justin Gillespie
JANESVILLE — Justin Gillespie knows heroin could have killed him many times.
But he says he regrets most what could have happened to his young son.
In January 2008, the temperature dipped to minus 30 degrees. Gillespie was recently out of a drug treatment program when he ran into an old peer.
He decided to use again.
“I got some morphine,” he says. “I drove somewhere quick to shoot it, and my son was sleeping in the back seat.”
When Gillespie returned home, he rushed into the house to hide his needles.
“I was intending to come right back out,” he says. “But I fell unconscious by the door … it was over an hour before someone found me and my son, who was still sleeping in the running car.”
Gillespie is a 23-year-old Janesville man, who describes himself as addicted to heroin for more than three years.
“My son could have died, if the car ran out of gas,” he says. “And that just kills me everyday thinking about that … It hurts me everyday just knowing what I did and what I put my son and family through.”
Gillespie is being processed at the Dodge Correctional Institution, Waupun, and will spend more than two years in prison. Among his charges are using drugs, lying in drug court and child neglect, according to the Wisconsin Department of Corrections.
Before leaving the Rock County Jail, Gillespie talked in an interview about how heroin destroyed his life. He wrote a four-page letter detailing his painful descent into addiction hell.
“I want people to know that Janesville has a huge heroin problem,” he says. “I want them to know that heroin and opiate drugs are evil. Addicts will do almost anything to get their high. I stole from my family. I even stole from stores so I could get through my days without being sick. Heroin caused me to be homeless and to live out of my car for a few months … I spent all my money on heroin.”
Eventually, Gillespie got caught shoplifting and with needles to inject heroin. Police took him to jail, where he first denied he had a drug problem. Without heroin, he went into withdrawal.
“I felt like I was dying,” Gillespie says. “I couldn’t eat. I was hot and cold. I could be sweating but had goose bumps. I couldn’t sleep.”
Eventually, authorities sent him to a treatment facility in Milwaukee.
“I took classes to learn how to cope with behaviors and feelings toward drugs,” Gillespie says. “A lot of the people who are teaching the program went to college. But it would help me more if it had been taught by someone who has been there.”
Within five weeks of being out of jail, Gillespie relapsed.
“A lot of it was having too much time on my hands,” he says. “A lot of it was sitting at home and having nothing to do.”
Born and raised in Janesville, Gillespie was expelled from Parker High School after getting caught with marijuana. He later earned his high school equivalency diploma from Blackhawk Technical College.
Like other young people, he opened the door to heroin when he started experimenting with opiate painkillers.
Opiates are a class of drugs that include heroin, methadone, morphine and prescription pain pills, such as OxyContin and Percocet.
“I told myself I would never use heroin,” he recalls. “I had heard that it is the worst drug out there.”
Gillespie forgot his promise when he started inhaling heroin powder through the nose. He liked the surge of euphoria that wrapped around him like a velvet blanket.
He wanted more.
“Snorting heroin made me feel relaxed,” he says. “I was calm and mellow. I would nod out.”
By April 2007, he injected the drug directly into the bloodstream.
“A lot of my friends were using needles,” he says. “We would do it together. I had a friend who said you have to shoot it. I said, ‘Hell, no. I’m never putting a needle in my arm.’ I finally stuck out my arm and told my friend to do it. The heroin hit me instantly. There was a rush through my entire body. It would last a couple of hours; then I would shoot more.”
Gillespie says he shot heroin every day, sometimes six to eight times per day. He estimates spending $800 a week on the highly addictive drug.
“I knew I had a problem when I started shooting,” he says. “But I did not know where to go because I did not want to get thrown back into jail. I did not know who to tell. I know there are other kids out there in the same place.”
He stole from family members and retail stores to support his habit.
He almost died.
“I have overdosed four times due to heroin and opiates,” he says. “Once I had to be shocked to bring me back to life. You would think right there I would have stopped using, but it only got worse. In 2008, I lost four friends due to heroin and opiate overdoses.”
He slowly and sadly names the friends.
“I also had friends overdose and go unconscious in front of my own eyes,” Gillespie says. “I had to give my best friend CPR on the way to the hospital … I think to myself everyday, ‘Why? Why am I doing this? Why am I putting my family through this?’”
So many times he has wanted to stop.
“People think you can just up and not use it anymore,” he says. “But it’s not that easy … I have so many goals in life that I want to accomplish. I want to go to college and start a whole new fresh life. But I keep letting heroin get in my way. I want to stop and be off the stuff, but I have no insurance to see a doctor.”
He wants to study computer science.
“I’m smart,’ he says. “If I had pursued my interest in computers, I would be finishing college now. I want to be clean and back in school so bad.”
Gillespie also wants his family back.
“My son asks me, ‘Daddy, when are you coming home?’” Gillespie says.
“He asks the guards: ‘Are you letting my Daddy out today?’ It kills me hearing a 3-year-old say that ... I need to do what I have to do to better myself and get off the drugs.”
He has been clean behind bars for more than four months.
“I sit here everyday thinking what I need to do to better myself and what I need to do to make sure I never get addicted to heroin again. I want to be there for my son. I want to succeed in life—not end my life.
“I don’t want my family to see me dead in a casket.”
Apr 22, 2009 at 9:57 a.m.
Suggest removal
thank you mia for sharing your families story, I think that these articles have really helped families realize that they are not alone in this battle that there are other people out there going through the same thing, and I really think that with all of this going on that it really is a big help for the families to be able to talk to each other and share the experiences that they have gone through and are still going through
Apr 22, 2009 at 9:15 a.m.
Suggest removal
I know first hand what heroin addiction can do to a family. My brother died of a heroin overdose many years ago. The pain in my mothers face is something you will never forget. She is gone now, and doesnt have to experience that same pain again now that her grandson is in prison for the same thing. It is easy for us to say why would you ever try it in the first place, but what is done is done. We love you Justin, we all make mistakes. Not just you. We can forgive, and you can forgive yourself.
Apr 22, 2009 at 8:58 a.m.
Suggest removal
everyone's addiction is different, and for me i don't put myself in situations where i would be tempted to go back into a world i worked so hard at getting out of. I applaud those who have come out over these last few days sharing their stories or asking where to get help because that really is the first step in the healing process recognizing there is a problem. For the people who do nothing but bash others in this situation right now it is not helping anything and is really one of the reasons why people don't want to ask for help because they don't need people coming down on them they need support and a shoulder to cry on
Apr 22, 2009 at 8:46 a.m.
Suggest removal
congrats on beatin yo demon. there is always and will always be a supply. sad to say but history has proven that. and im not sure what your addiction was but those that ive known with addictions, no heroin...all alcohol, but it wasnt out of sight out of mind. out of sight impossible to use. but not out of mind. no ones addiction is the same tho i understand that...
Apr 22, 2009 at 8:21 a.m.
Suggest removal
the temptation has NOTHING to do with the supply. nothing. am i safe in saying spoken by someone who has never wrestled with an addiction??
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
no you are not safe by saying that, i have been through addiction and know what it is like and have beat the addiction, not with heroin but with other things, and i do know it is a hard road to travel down. If there was not a supply to tempt people with then their possibly might not be so many addicts. out of sight out of mind once out of your system
Apr 22, 2009 at 12:36 a.m.
Suggest removal
SuperDave, you and I are on the same page here.
.
Rozi, I am so glad that all those letters resulted in someone who had a clue responding. Prison is unfortunately very often the opposite of rehab.
Apr 21, 2009 at 10:51 p.m.
Suggest removal
As a teenager, I started drinking alcohol, then I started smoking pot, but I've never tried herioin or crack.
I think alcohol is the real "gateway drug" here. It's more readily available than pot is. Heck, did you know that they sell that stuff in stores? You don't even have to go buy it on the black market!
Apr 21, 2009 at 10:01 p.m.
Suggest removal
CallitasIseeit: Got it, thank you. I think janesvillean was just making the same argument that I did (re: milk) to illustrate once again that correlation does not equate to causation. Your point re: "back alley" dealings is clearly valid.
Apr 21, 2009 at 8:38 p.m.
Suggest removal
'but if this drug was not so available on the streets then they would not need to fight off the temptation'
the temptation has NOTHING to do with the supply. nothing. am i safe in saying spoken by someone who has never wrestled with an addiction??
Apr 21, 2009 at 8:02 p.m.
Suggest removal
I went to school with Justin, we were in band together. He played the drums. He always seemed to have his head on his shoulders. When I quit band I never really saw him anymore. I had NO idea that he had gotten into herion. We weren't friends, just classmates. But it's still hard to hear about it. I really really hope he gets the help he needs. Sometimes the best thing for users is to go to prison for a couple years and then when they get out to move away from the area they used so they don't run into their old 'buddies.' Justin, I wish you the best of luck and I hope you over come this and your are the best father you can be to your son.
Apr 21, 2009 at 7:44 p.m.
Suggest removal
and all my friends smoke pot and they don't use heroin. get a clue.
***********
just because you and your friends have not used pot as a gateway drug does not mean other people do not
Apr 21, 2009 at 6:42 p.m.
Suggest removal
latinmami: I'm not challenging you, I just want to float this idea: Yes, the drug is what technically kills these people. I'd like to point out that it's their choice that really kills them. The drug doesn't just accidentally end up in your system. You choose to put it there.
*****************
yes you are right they do choose to place this drug in their system, but if this drug was not so available on the streets then they would not need to fight off the temptation.
Apr 21, 2009 at 6:20 p.m.
Suggest removal
Superdave-This analogy:
"You may as well say that because all heroin users had to drive on streets to go buy their heroin, that paved roadways cause heroin addiction. You would be speaking just as accurately."-Janesvillian.
Roz-I am impressed with your determination.
.
Apr 21, 2009 at 4:56 p.m.
Suggest removal
Keep on a poppin' those prescription drugs. They aren't a "gateway" drug like marijuana is!
Apr 21, 2009 at 4:47 p.m.
Suggest removal
Rozi, thank you for taking a negative and turning it into a positive! Out of all bad things good things will come, and you found your calling out of your short stumble. Congratulations to you, and thank you for caring about this stranger. You are what people should look up to! Stay strong! Which I have no doubt you are, and continue helping those in need, I am guessing they will never forget you! <3
Apr 21, 2009 at 3:45 p.m.
Apr 21, 2009 at 3:06 p.m.
Suggest removal
CallitasIseeit: I'm not understanding you. Which analogy doesn't work? I think we agree that anyone who has "back alley" dealings for whatever reason is more likely to be exposed to hard drugs. What I don't see is that pot use in and of itself somehow encourages the use of harder drugs. People who use hard drugs probably tried pot first, but that correlation does not imply causation. Hence the milk example, hopefully it's even more obvious that drinking milk does not encourage heroin use.
And let's not forget to mention this - parents, if you haven't already done so, PLEASE have the talk with your kids re: drugs, and LISTEN to the responses. Be specific, and make them understand that people in Janesville are dying from drug use.
Apr 21, 2009 at 2:49 p.m.
Suggest removal
Gillespie,
I'm not sure if you will get to read these comments, but if not, perhaps someone will forward this message to you.
I was one of those "drug dealers" many years ago, and I did it simply for one reason.... free drugs. It came before anything...my children, my work, paying bills...it came before Everything! My dealing landed me inside the only woman's prison in Wisconsin... Taycheedah.
I was just like you are right now. I WAS done using, I wanted it gone from my life.
In Wisconsin, there is NOWHERE that someone can turn to get good treatment while you are in prison, unless you want to go to 12 step meetings while you are incarcerated.
But what I found out was that if you wanted something bad enough, you could get it.
What I ended up doing while I was in prison was to write to every single person and politician in the public eye that I could find.
When it was all said and done, I had written 27 letters, and included among them was everyone from the Governor to the person who ran the Bureau of Prisons. I still have all of those letters that I received in return, every single one that said, "We wish that we were in a position to help you..."
And I also have ONE of them that said "We appreciate someone who works so hard to try to find treatment they know they need. We have asked someone from the XXX Treatment Center in Madison to get in contact with you."
I DID go to treatment before I went home. I need to be honest and say that I had one relapse about 2 years after getting home, but Thank God it was a short one. It was also the LAST one. A few short years later, I returned to college and got the education I needed to become that substance abuse counselor that "rummagesalesrock" below was talking about that is so important in helping others. In fact, that was exactly why I did what I did, because every counselor I had spoken to didn't really seem to understand where I was coming from. I knew that I could be a good counselor, because I have been where the other person coming for help has been.
I am not sure if and what I could do to help you, but I can promise you that if you(or someone on your behalf) contacted me, I will try my best to do whatever I can to help you find the treatment you so badly seem to want.
If you prefer to get that "help" on your own, hopefully my story will prove to you that when you wish and work for something you want so badly, there is always hope.
marknreetz@charter.net
Much Love,
Rozi
Apr 21, 2009 at 2:38 p.m.
Suggest removal
At least this guy can admit to having a problem unlike most of the drug users.
Apr 21, 2009 at 2:26 p.m.
Suggest removal
Lakennedy is addicted to fighting against the bike tunnel. That may help her to put this into perspective. I do digress, but after the near miss I saw on Milwaukee street this last weekend, I am sure it is only a matter of time before there is a fatality there.
Apr 21, 2009 at 2:15 p.m.
Suggest removal
LAKE, I am so happy to hear that you are immune to any temptations that life might throw your way. Addiction evolves from much more than the mere presence of a drug. Until you understand addiction though, you probably won't get that.
Apr 21, 2009 at 1:56 p.m.
Suggest removal
Superdave, I never said I disagreed with legalizing marijuana, only that that analogy doesn't work. The "back alley" aspect of obtaining pot is what introduces these high schoolers using to be introduced to harder drugs. The majority of students smoking pot, (and there is a high percentage of J-ville high students using) get it from friends and don't see the seedy side. But some do and start snorting heroin and then introduce it to others they are supplying.
Apr 21, 2009 at 1:45 p.m.
Suggest removal
latinmami: I'm not challenging you, I just want to float this idea: Yes, the drug is what technically kills these people. I'd like to point out that it's their choice that really kills them. The drug doesn't just accidentally end up in your system. You choose to put it there.
Apr 21, 2009 at 1:28 p.m.
Suggest removal
CallitasIseeit: The fact that marijuana users come into contact with drug dealers, and thus could be exposed to other drugs, is a good argument for staying away from drug dealers. But remember that the reason drug dealers exist is that the drugs they sell are illegal. So that's another argument for legalizing marijuana. (And for the record, I do not use any illegal drugs). Personally, I would re-legalize ALL drugs, and strictly control the more dangerous ones, as dangerous legal drugs are already controlled. That would knock the air out of the sails of the drug dealers! It would also eliminate perhaps HALF of all crime, and would also relieve prison overcrowding. Non-violent drug users do not need prison time, they need treatment.
Combine that with the FairTax, which would cause people with unreported income (like drug dealers, politicians that accept bribes, and illegal aliens), to pay taxes along with the rest of us, and then we would be a much happier and freer society.
Apr 21, 2009 at 1:22 p.m.
Suggest removal
regardless of how people are getting this horrible drug it is killing our children and their parents. All these stories are showing how many people that are out their that this drug is effecting and how we all need to educate our children and watch for the signs and ban together and get our loved ones the help they need.
Apr 21, 2009 at 12:51 p.m.
Suggest removal
Paved roadways do not put drivers into direct contact with drug dealers as marijuana use may. Your analogy is asinine.
Apr 21, 2009 at 12:17 p.m.
Suggest removal
UNKNOWN, I think dealers are numb to feelings as a whole. They have been hurt, and will continue to hurt as long as it 'works' for them. As soon as it stops 'working' (and they need to see this), I think the conscience comes back ten fold.
Apr 21, 2009 at 12:13 p.m.
Suggest removal
PANAMA, you and I see perfectly in sync! Many times to 'tattle' on yourself, helps keep you accountable for your own actions. I am so proud of this man telling the evolution of his demise. In my past I did something that I NEVER thought I would do, and started out with 'good intentions', but as an end result became a slave to the good intent. Anyway, long story short, I called my mother in law up and told her EVERYTHING. And if you knew my mother in law, you would have thought I would have been crazy to share such unpure things with her. She is as sweet and pure as they come. But by doing so, I knew she would hold me accountable for my actions. I knew she wouldn't judge me, but also wouldn't let me off the hook. Sometimes, we just need to tattle on ourselves! :) I unfortunately believe this young man has a long haul in front of him, but if he can keep the strength up, he can and will do it. And I completely agree with him, when he said that many people who are there to counsel you about drug abuse haven't lived it. I think that a successful therapist, is one who has walked the walk of the person seeking help. There is them empathy and understanding, and that goes a lot further than the comprehension of the words in a book. Good luck to you and your baby boy, Justin. We are rooting for you in our home!
Apr 21, 2009 at 11:43 a.m.
Suggest removal
lol thats awesome janesvillean
Apr 21, 2009 at 11:42 a.m.
Suggest removal
good point superdave
simon: i didnt say he didnt use marijuana. what do you think are the chances that he...gasp...drank alcohol before he tried heroin?? but we cant blame that. dillnewbie said he started with marijuana and the story actually states 'he opened the door to heroin when he started experimenting with opiate painkillers'. i know dillnewbie has trouble seeing all the words so i was just clarifying. so you simon, with all due respect...chill out.
Apr 21, 2009 at 11:41 a.m.
Suggest removal
Kudos to Mr. Gillespie for laying his life out so publicly at the risk of incurring bashing from callous and ignorant individuals who don't understand the control drugs can have over a person. People do not choose to become addicted to drugs and alcohol. It usually results from bad choices and most everyone believes they can stop when they want. Of course, 99.9% of the time it does not work that way. Incarceration does not treat the addiction, it only interrupts the cycle. Treatment programs can help but the addict does need to recognize the problem and work very hard in learning to live with their addiction because there is no cure. Friends and relatives also need to provide positive influence and support. I have never met Mr. Gillespie but he sound sincere in his desire to overcome his addiction. My prayers are with you and your family, Mr. Gillespie. Its a long road but one worth every step. By the way if anyone reads this article and feels the urge to contribute a critical or negative comment, first take a moment to consider how imperfect you are then offer something constructive.
Apr 21, 2009 at 11:39 a.m.
Suggest removal
Clearly, marijuana is less directly harmful than other drugs, less addictive (chemically and medically), and statistically unlikely to lead to heroin addiction -- as the vast majority of its users do not end up there. Any other theories you'd like to float? You may as well say that because all heroin users had to drive on streets to go buy their heroin, that paved roadways cause heroin addiction. You would be speaking just as accurately.
.
In any case, marijuana is already illegal. Do you have a proposal to make it "more" illegal, in order to prevent heroin addiction?
Apr 21, 2009 at 11:32 a.m.
Suggest removal
kid - The article states he was expelled from Parker for possessing marijuana. So, chill out.
Apr 21, 2009 at 11:31 a.m.
Suggest removal
The article didn't say, but I am sure that he drank milk as a child. That lead to the marijuana use, which is of course the famous gateway drug that eventually got him hooked on heroin. And if you believe any of this, there's a bridge for sale in Brooklyn. Next he'll be writing bad checks. And it all started with a simple glass of milk. Maybe it's the lactic acid, that's sounds almost like a drug doesn't it?
Apr 21, 2009 at 11:25 a.m.
Suggest removal
ohh dillnewbie you do love me. can you tell me where in this story it says he started with marijuana?? cuz i read he started with opiate pain killers. your blindness is showing again your highness...
Apr 21, 2009 at 11:17 a.m.
Suggest removal
I hope he really does keep on the straight road, from the article he sounds like he wants to he just needs to stay on that clean and sober path and he will be fine stay away from people who can cause you harm
Apr 21, 2009 at 11:04 a.m.
Suggest removal
Yet another heroin user who started with marijuana. Is marijuana use harmless? It's avid users think so. I suppose there will be some perfectly reasonable rationalization submitted soon as to why I am so stupid to suspect otherwise prefaced by a diliberate misspelling of my name, no doubt.
Before you post a comment, consider this:
Note: GazetteXtra.com does not condone or review every comment. Read more in our User Policy AgreementPost Comment
Commenting requires registration.