Check your reality here
Welcome, weary travelers!
Welcome to the Kingdom of Whatchawannasee! It’s been a long and an arduous journey, so take off your boots, loosen your belts and stay awhile.
You’ll find that the citizens of Whatchawannasee are a warm and friendly people, and we’ve arranged everything for your total mental relaxation. No nasty encounters with reality or complexity here! Nothing to upset your routine, or alter your assumptions in the slightest detail.
Don’t believe me? Just look around!
Look to your left! Look to your right! What do you see?
You see: Whatchawannasee!
Look in front of you! Look behind you! From horizon to horizon, what do you see?
You see only: Whatchawannasee!
Isn’t it wonderful?
Life today can be so complicated. So much information flying at you all the time. Hundreds of channels on your video screen. Magazines. Newspapers. And we haven’t even mentioned computers!
If you’re not careful, some of this torrent of information could—well, it could conflict with other information. With facts you’re sure you know. With beliefs you’ve held all your life.
Why should you have to endure such conflict? Such confusion? Shouldn’t there be a place where you can avoid all that?
There is—and you’ve found it! Here in the kingdom, we take our greatest pleasure in eliminating any chance that your thoughts will collide with one another. In making all possible confusions disappear.
Peruse the latest editions of our many publications, or browse through our extensive assortment of blogs and online forums. What do you see? Whatchawannasee!
Turn to our nearly limitless TV stations, and what do you see? Whatchawannasee!
It could be a newscast or an interview, a candidate’s speech or even a political advertisement. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter who says what, or about what, or to whom. It doesn’t matter how well they conduct themselves, or how poorly. How straightforward they are, or how slippery. You’ve moved beyond all that.
On every channel, at every hour of the day or night, you will see nothing but—Whatchawannasee!
I ask you: What could be better?
In fact, if you’re like most of our visitors, your comfort level will be so great, you might even feel like you’ve been here before!
Enjoy that feeling! Yes! Luxuriate in that feeling! Yes!! No matter what your background, no matter your race, your religion, your gender, the size of your paycheck or even the tilt of your politics—especially the tilt of your politics.
No matter what you’re thinking when you come to Whatchawannasee—that’s exactly what you’ll be thinking when you leave Whatchawannasee.
Of course, you may never want to leave. And that’s perfectly understandable.
Because once you’ve seen Whatchawannasee, what else is there?
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist based in Milwaukee. You can write to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Last updated: 10:10 pm Thursday, December 13, 2012