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Memory tree offers support, awareness

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Photo by Dan Lassiter

Karen Gleason of Milton displays some of the ornaments she made for a previous Suicide Tree.

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Photo by Dan Lassiter

Karen Gleason works on a decoration for the Suicide Tree with a candle burning bearing a photo of her son Brandon Lee Carnitz who she lost to suicide in 2003.

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Karen J. Gleason

MILTON — Karen Gleason has a whole new group of friends since her son killed himself five years ago.

Bur when she mentions Brandon to her old friends, they change the subject, she said.

“Nobody understands unless you’ve been there,” she said.

Which is why events such as Milton’s annual Memory Tree of Lights, which Gleason organizes, is so important, said Brad Munger, supervisor of Rock County’s Community Support Program. The annual tree-lighting ceremony gathers people who have lost loved ones to suicide—often referred to as survivors—to remember the victims and raise awareness about suicide.

Gleason’s fellow survivors understand when she talks about how angry she is at her son for devastating her family. Or what she means when she says things get better, but the pain doesn’t go away.

Gleason has heard from people all over the world since she started organizing the annual memorial tree and lighting ceremony. She creates ornaments in honor of suicide victims for everyone who calls her, though she tries to put something extra in the ones for local people, she said.

The laminated cards—more than 200 of them now—show smiling faces of victims in better days. Pieces of their personalities—butterflies, a “Star Trek” sticker, a Chicago Bears helmet—dance around the edges.

That’s how survivors should remember their loved ones, Munger said.

“It’s good to remember the wholeness of the person, the completeness of the person,” he said. “For survivors, it’s important to focus on (the fact that) the person wasn’t just a suicide.”

One of Gleason’s strongest memories of her son, Brandon Carnitz, was how happy he was after earning his driver’s license a week before he killed himself at age 19.

“He passed his drivers test, and he put that (organ) donor sticker on, and he was so proud,” she said.

But her son struggled with a drug addiction and what Gleason now recognizes as depression. He was having problems with his girlfriend and his debt was piling up.

Gleason shook her head as she remembered a letter she found in her son’s apartment after his death saying his car insurance rate would be much higher than he thought. Turns out, the letter was a mistake.

“If he just would’ve waited with a clear head, the next day, three-quarters of his problems resolved themselves,” she said.

But people in suicidal states don’t have clear heads, Munger said. They develop tunnel vision, focusing only on their problems and unable to see solutions. The great majority of people who kill themselves had some form of mental illness.

Though many people consider suicide, few actually carry it out, Munger said. Often, the time suicidal people are most at risk lasts only minutes or hours.

That’s the kind of information Gleason wants to get out. She wants to make the topic less taboo so she and other survivors can use their experiences to prevent more tragedy.

“It’s so important that we keep raising the awareness,” she said.

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Karen Gleason wants to bring the topic of suicide into the open to help prevent what happened to her and her family.

But excessive talk about suicide can plant or enhance the idea of suicide in the mind of someone with a mental illness, said Brad Munger, supervisor of Rock County’s Community Support Program.

“Contagion effect in suicide is real, particularly in adolescents,” he said.

So how should the community talk about suicide?

Munger offered these tips:

-- Know your audience. Be careful when talking to young people because they are more impressionable. Don’t glamorize suicide or harp on celebrity suicides.

On the other hand, you might talk about suicides differently with senior citizens, Munger said. Seniors often weren’t raised to talk about their feelings, especially depression, and might be skeptical of mental health professionals.

-- Know the facts about mental illness. About 90 percent of people who die by suicide had some form of mental illness, though sometimes undiagnosed, Munger said. Mental illness is a condition like cancer or other physical illnesses, and it is treatable, he said.

-- Offer resources to survivors and those at risk for suicide.

RESOURCES ABOUT SUICIDE

Here are some resources available for those thinking about suicide or survivors of suicide:

-- Emergency 24-hour hotlines: Call Rock County Crisis Intervention at (608) 757-5025, the National Suicide Crisis Line at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

-- National Alliance on Mental Illness: www.nami.org or www.namiwisconsin.org.

-- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: www.afsp.org.

-- The local Survivors of Suicide group meets at 6:30 p.m. on the fourth Tuesday of the month at the Rock County Job Center, 1900 Center Ave., Janesville. For more information, call Laura Brinkley at (608) 752-6188 or Brad Munger at (608) 757-5739.

IF YOU GO

What: Memory Tree of Lights dedication.

When: 5 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 6.

Where: Hope Lutheran Church, 335 Dairyland Drive, Milton.

For more information: Call Karen Gleason at (608) 302-9090 or e-mail pudgyspal@yahoo.com. Contact Gleason if you would like her to make an ornament in honor of a loved one who died by suicide.