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Bill's final bow? Don't bet on it

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I know what you're thinking, and you have to stop thinking it. The Clintons aren't going anywhere.

I understand why you might be thinking it, the wish being father to the thought and all that.

After all, you've got a case of Clinton fatigue that could take down a rhinoceros; the very idea that This Isn't Over Yet, not for this year, and certainly not for some other year off in the distance somewhere -- Let's just say I sympathize. But wishing doesn't make it true.

"But it's more than just wishing!" you cry. "He said it himself!"

So he did.

So?

These were the words that Bill Clinton uttered on Monday to that crowd in Milbank, S.D.:

"I want to say also that this may be the last day I'm ever involved in a campaign of this kind."

It was the sort of statement guaranteed to make headlines. Guaranteed to show up 24/7 on all the newscasts, and on the web. Some people even took Bill Clinton to be saying that this was his final bow, that Monday was the last full day of his wife's presidential campaign, and that never again would he have the opportunity to stand there -- microphone in his hand, catch in his voice -- and make the case for Hillary.

Dreamers.

And so are you if you heard it that way. Were you born yesterday? Have you forgotten everything we've learned over all these years? There's English, and then there's ClintonSpeak.

"I want to say also that this may be the last day I'm ever involved in a campaign of this kind."

Let's start with the easy stuff. This "may" be the last day he's ever involved in a campaign of this kind. Then again, it may not be. Bill Clinton can toss off that sort of "now you see it, now you don't" rhetorical flourish a dozen times before breakfast and never break a sweat. It means nothing.

Besides, what did he mean by "day"? Somewhere in the solar system, or at least somewhere in the universe, there must be a planet which rotates so slowly on its axis that a single "day" lasts months, even years, by earthly standards. Maybe he was talking about that kind of day.

And what about nights? He didn't say anything about nights, did he? (Don't even go there.) What else in that seemingly straightforward sentence can't you take to the bank? Well, for starters, how about the way the sentence started? "I want to say" that this may be the last day I'm blah-blah-blah...

He isn't necessarily saying it. He simply wants to say it.

And I want to buy a winning Powerball ticket. So what? If you want a passing grade in parsing, you can't let your guard down, not even for a second.

Which brings us to the big kahuna, the loophole huge enough to drive another Clinton administration through: It may be the last day Bill Clinton is ever involved "in a campaign of this kind."

But what kind is that, exactly? For all we know, he means he won't ever again be involved in a campaign where his wife is the frontrunner and the "inevitable" nominee until she somehow gets overtaken by some guy with a funny name and a skimpy resume who comes out of nowhere and out-strategizes, out-organizes, out-messages and even out-fundraises her in a year that ends in an "8" and has two zeroes right in the middle.

You'll never catch Bill Clinton doing that again, nosiree!

We now return you to the English language.