Don’t pin your hopes on them
Gas prices are soaring. The stock market is tanking. The housing crisis shows no signs of letting up. The evidence of global warming is everywhere. Our military is stretched to the breaking point by two mismanaged wars still dragging on after years and years. All the polls show an overwhelming majority of Americans feel we’re off on the wrong track.
So let me turn to the question that’s uppermost in your minds this July 4th weekend:
“Do you have a flag pin?”
I’m so glad you asked! Of course I have a flag pin. In fact, I have two flag pins! I bought one of my flag pins at the gas station right across the street; they were up at the counter near the lighters and the lottery tickets. I think I got the other one as a party favor.
That makes two. How many flag pins do you have?
They’re both waving-in-the-breeze flag pins, by the way. That’s really the only way to go; those straight-as-a-stick flag pins always look so artificial. You really have to wonder why anybody would wear the phony-looking kind on his lapel when it’s so easy to find the waving-in-the-breeze kind.
One of my flag pins has better colors than the other one—it’s just the way they were made, I guess. The red stripes are a little redder on that one, and the blue behind the stars is a much deeper blue. (I’ve got both of them sitting right here on my desk as I’m writing this, to make sure I get the details correct. Normally I keep them in my sock drawer, so they’re always available.)
The one with the better colors is my favorite, of course. That’s the one I wear whenever I have a choice—it feels right. Sometimes I don’t have a choice because I can’t find that one; I might have left it stuck in a different lapel the last time I wore it. Then I wear the other one. It works pretty well, too.
“So you actually wear your flag pin?”
Of course I actually wear my flag pin! In fact, I wear it fairly often. I wear it whenever I pretend to be the president of the United States.
I’m on a weekly TV show here in Milwaukee—maybe you know that already—and I get to pretend to be all sorts of people. And whenever I pretend to be the president of the United States—or at least this president of the United States—my flag pin is the first thing I grab when I’m putting together my costume.
It doesn’t matter if they’ve got me being George Bush in the Oval Office, or in the White House library, or just standing at some lectern somewhere: When you think of George Bush, you think of a flag pin. So that’s how I play it.
Not that George Bush is the first president to wear a flag pin—not at all. I still remember how Richard Nixon and his crew used to wear flag pins all the time. They wore them to show the country how patriotic they were, and how unpatriotic certain other people were.
Actually, they wore them to distract people, while they went about committing their particular crimes and poking their particular holes in the Constitution. And it even worked for a while; that’s how powerful flag pins used to be.
Not anymore, though. People can see through that stuff— they know it’s only jewelry. They know that your lapel and your heart are two very different places.
But just in case? Go for waving-in-the-breeze.
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.
Jul 3, 2008 at 8:52 a.m.
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Here I am! Finally!!
And for the record, I wear my flag pin on my cape.
\SD/
Jul 2, 2008 at 6:49 p.m.
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ktaustin,
I think that almost any member of the military service will tell you that they thoroughly enjoy the support they receive from Americans. Supporting the troops is a lot more than just saying, "I hope you don't die." The best examples of support for the troops, I think, come from inaction rather than action. It's a good feeling to not have to worry about people calling you a baby killer, spitting on you, or throwing derogatory terms in your face when you have joined the military to put your life on the line for their freedoms.
Jul 2, 2008 at 5:38 p.m.
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For some reason this article reminds me of those sweet people who slather the "I support Our Troops" magnets on their SUV's. Love those guys. lol.
Jul 2, 2008 at 4:44 p.m.
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So let me get this straight...those who wear flag pins are bad because they might do some unsavory things.
But those who do not wear flag pins are good even though they hang out with scum-of-the-Earth types who think America is the most racist, xenophobic scourge on the face of the Earth and should be condemned by the Lord, its people blown up by bombs and its Constitutional rights and privileges extended to non-citizens who have been caught trying to kill us...and it is these people--the non-flag pin wearers who have these god-awful ideas--they deserve our votes.
Okay, thanks!
Jul 2, 2008 at 4:06 p.m.
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Barrack Obama not wearing a lapel flag pin.
Jul 2, 2008 at 4:01 p.m.
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Did I miss something? Was there some recent media story attacking somebody for not dressing patriotically? I get that the column is a satire response, but response to what?
On a related note, what about all the people that have "support our troops" bumper stickers, when really all they mean to say is that they don't want our troops to die. Folks, you can't say "I support our troops" if you don't agree at all with their mission. That's like saying "I support Bush" when you completely disagree with all his policies (but you just don't want him to die).
Jul 2, 2008 at 3:47 p.m.
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Let me help you. Pretend for a moment that this column was written by Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert. Now do you see?
Jul 2, 2008 at 3:21 p.m.
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You're missing the whole point of the column, Billy Jean.
Jul 2, 2008 at 3:19 p.m.
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Profanity issue. My poor judgement! Whoulda thunkit?
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:40 p.m.
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Dave?
Is that you?
Jul 2, 2008 at 1:43 p.m.
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All these people talking about a Cheech and Chong comedy routine from 37 years ago are really showing their age and their disinterest in this subject.
The only ones paying any real attention to flag pins are the media trying to stir up controversy and interest in their product and those who consider that patriotism is gauche and any outward expression thereof is assumed to be disingenuous or that persons expressing patriotism are thought to be self-righteous and dim-witted
The writer is asserting the same kind of pretension he is castigating flag pin wearers for as he makes assumptions about those who wear them just as he believes that assumptions are made about those who do not.
So now we are to believe that “real Americans” actually don’t wear flag pins and that those who do are “un-American” and that it really is alright to judge people by what they do or don’t wear, as long as we judge (politically) correctly.
Jul 2, 2008 at 12:54 p.m.
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Isn't dave from Wendy's??
Jul 2, 2008 at 11:28 a.m.
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I got a pin no wait i got two and i have been looking for dave for over 30 years!! STAY SAFE!!!
Jul 2, 2008 at 11:23 a.m.
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All we know about Dave is that he's not here.
Recommend that a Dave Central be set up to get to the bottom of this.
Jul 2, 2008 at 11:07 a.m.
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Who's Dave?
Jul 2, 2008 at 11:06 a.m.
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All true, proartist.
Jul 2, 2008 at 10:37 a.m.
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If everyone who touts their patriotism by wearing a lapel pin actually got involved in politics - not being afraid to talk about the issues with everyone else, not being afraid to listen to other points of view, paid attention to WORLD events, helped register voters, volunteered with the political party of their choice, and participated in campaigns, or even ran for elected office our whole nation would be a far better and inclusionary democracy. Democracy only works when people are informed, involved, and active. Democracy is not a side-line, spectator event. It is diminished when people dress "politically correct" but then sit back on their couch complaining about those who are involved as if the survival of our nation depended upon them...for, IT DOES!
Jul 2, 2008 at 10:20 a.m.
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Wow, I didn't see that coming. Maybe it's a copyright problem.
Jul 2, 2008 at 9:32 a.m.
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Classic dialoge. Shakespear to thekid....
Jul 2, 2008 at 9:11 a.m.
Jul 2, 2008 at 8:47 a.m.
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Dave's not here.
Jul 2, 2008 at 8:42 a.m.
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Dave???
Jul 2, 2008 at 8:22 a.m.
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Oh Dave.......you are so funny. Also.... you are spot on correct. I hope the truth will hurt some of these self rightous neo-cons who pretend to be patriotic because they wear or notice who doesn't wear a piece of jewelry (usally made in china).
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