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Coalition empowers those going through divorce or separation

JANESVILLE — Before becoming acquainted with the Family Unity Coalition of Rock County, Bob Bessolo felt helpless going through the divorce process.

But after six months of attending coalition meetings, he feels empowered.

“It made me more proactive,” said the 50-year-old Janesville man.

Bessolo, the father of two, learned of the coalition after seeing a flier at work. It advertised a group of concerned parents who share information about community resources in relation to divorce and separation with a focus on children. Immediately, he knew it was for him.

He hadn’t missed a coalition meeting until this month.

He was spending time with his kids, which is one of the sticklers in his divorce.

“I’ve been trying to get the kids every other week in the final agreement,” he said.

But his wife only wants him to have the children every other weekend, which he finds unacceptable.

“My children are old enough (13 and 10) where they need both parents, and every other weekend is not enough time to get that benefit,” he said.

The coalition, started in December by Susan Bird and Brian King, has helped Bessolo learn more about divorce laws and find other resources of which he wasn’t aware.

“Before, I was totally dependent on the attorney,” he said.

Although Bessolo still retains a divorce attorney, he said his involvement in the coalition has made him more knowledgeable about marital and family laws. He’s also learned the pros and cons about laws to protect his rights, including custody arrangements, which helps him when discussing issues with his attorney, he said.

It’s unfortunate, Bessolo said, that by the time most people find the coalition, they already feel victimized. That’s why he was willing to share his story—so others don’t have to struggle as he did.

“You may not necessarily solve your problems at a meeting, but they give you resources to know how to find what type of arrangement you can make to be beneficial to you,’’ he said.

Bessolo said the coalition’s philosophy is that the children deserve both Mom and Dad. The goal is to find arrangements that allow both parents to be involved with their children without alienating one against the other.

“This group is helping me find that,” he said.

NEED EXISTS FOR GROUP

Susan Bird and Brian King, both of Janesville, started the Family Unity Coalition of Rock County after meeting through Wisconsin Fathers for Children and Families in Madison.

Bird, a 39-year-old stepmother, and King, a 37-year-old divorced man who has joint custody of his three children, realized the need for such a local group.

“We talk a lot about resources and where people can find the laws that apply to them,” Bird said.

“We’re just a gathering of concerned parents in our infancy as a group. As interest develops, I hope to be able to get a little bigger and draw different types of people, host parenting classes and get guest speakers,’’ she said.

The group is free to anyone—married or single—who has children and is going through divorce or separation.

“We’re trying to focus on how to keep all the strife away from the children,’’ Bird said.

The group also provides a support system.

“We’re a support mechanism for people going through family law difficulties. So many people have a lot of questions, are very uneasy and don’t have a lot of confidence in the (legal) system nor have the resources or know where to turn. We lead them down the right path and at least get them moving in a positive direction with their case,’’ King said.

The coalition also provides a fair, realistic opinion, Bird and King agreed.

“We’re not in the middle or to make money. We’re there in the best interest of the children, can give an objective point of view and offer resources where they can find information to help them figure out their situation,” King said.

FOR HELP

Call Susan Bird at (608) 921-7700 or Brian King at (608) 346-1471.

Upcoming Family Unity Coalition of Rock County meetings are scheduled for 7 to 8:30 p.m. Mondays, July 21 and Aug. 18, in the public meeting room of Hedberg Public Library, 316 S. Main St., Janesville.