Sexual predators are often mom’s boyfriend
ELKHORN — When Mommy’s new boyfriend moved in, the sexual assaults began.
“He would ask me to take off my clothes, and then we would go in another room, and that’s when it would start,” the then 11-year-old Walworth County girl testified at trial.
“He said if I ever told anyone, he would take a gun to my mom’s head.”
Cases such as this, where Mom’s live-in boyfriend molests her daughter, are disturbingly frequent in Walworth County and across the state, officials said.
Live-in boyfriends who are sexual predators have access to their girlfriends’ children. They’re trusted by the mothers, who often depend on them and sometimes side with the men against their children.
Some predators date women with their children in mind.
“I absolutely believe there are sexual predators who target moms with young children for the purpose of assaulting the children,” Walworth County Sheriff’s Capt. Dana Nigbor said.
And the phenomenon could grow as the number of sexual assaults in Walworth County continues to rise, officials said.
For the Walworth County girl, the sexual assaults often happened in her pink and purple bedroom, decorated with dolls, a Bratz pillowcase and Cloe poster.
Even though she was hurt by the man, they played checkers and Uno. They rode bikes together and tossed a Frisbee.
She wanted to tell police, but her mom seemed happy in her new relationship.
And when her mom asked if anything was wrong, she lied.
She thought it was her fault.
The rapes happened while Mom was at work.
“At first it was hard to believe,” the mother told The Janesville Gazette. “I didn’t think that could be true.
“I still feel guilty. That was the last thing I thought was going to happen.”
Walworth County District Attorney Phil Koss said authorities don’t track the relationship between sexual assault suspects and victims, but his office has written many criminal complaints against men who molested their girlfriends’ children.
“Anecdotally, it seems to be common, whether it’s a new husband or new boyfriend,” Koss said. “But certainly I can’t say it’s a majority.”
Left alone
The Walworth County girl’s mother met Gerald L. Hawley, 56, at work. They had known each other for a few years before they started dating in 2003. It was her first romance after her marriage ended.
They had gone out four or five times when she invited him to live with her in her ranch home.
She was in love with him. He got along with her daughter, who was 7 at the time, and her daughter approved of him moving in.
“It’s not like I had just met him,” the mother said. “We knew each other quite a while.”
Hawley didn’t work much, so she didn’t depend on him for financial support.
But he was able to watch her daughter while she worked from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m.
“That’s when he touched her,” the mother said. “I found out everything took place when I did my 12-hour shift.”
The sexual abuse began shortly after Hawley moved in, the mother said, and her daughter told her about it.
She confronted Hawley, who left the house and stayed at a motel for the night.
“He kept crying, saying, ‘I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it. I wouldn’t do such a thing,’” she said.
She went to report the sexual assaults to police, but her daughter changed her story and never told investigators the truth.
“The police said sometimes kids do that because they get nervous,” the mother said.
She also thought her daughter might have been lying for attention.
Soon, the mother allowed Hawley to move back in.
It was a decision she regrets.
“We’ve had women walk away from these guys and do the right thing … we’ve had women who bail them out and live with them again,” Nigbor said. “We don’t know why they do what they do.”
Turning him in
After Hawley returned, the mother was suspicious.
“I just kept my eyes more open,” she said. “And when I started working more hours, when I had sitters, I shipped her out.”
The mother and Hawley later broke up. He moved out. But it wouldn’t be the last time he’d be in her life.
The mother one day found what appeared to be an explicit picture in the bedroom.
She asked her daughter about it.
“She broke down and cried right away, so I knew,” the mother said.
The two went to police a second time and an investigation started.
“The reason she lied (the first time) was because her mom was crying and didn’t have a boyfriend, and she wanted her to have her boyfriend back,” Detective Thomas Bushey said.
The girl’s mother was ready to pursue a criminal charge.
“I wasn’t going to let him get away with it,” the mother said.
“He may have stayed here too long—I made that mistake—but he’s not going to do it to somebody else.”
Recorded conversation
The girl was sexually assaulted about 20 times in 2003, according to the criminal complaint.
“He would go in her room and bother her,” the mother said. “That’s why she was tired a lot.”
Hawley told the girl to keep their behavior a secret, according to the criminal complaint, and he made threats to keep her from telling.
The detective recorded a phone conversation between the girl and Hawley after she reported the sexual assaults.
“Why did you do what you did to me?” the girl asked Hawley on the phone.
“We had talked about that, and I had told you that I was very, very sorry,” Hawley responded. “And it was a very, very big mistake and I’m still very, very sick about it.
“I really hurt because I know that wasn’t the right thing. And I hope someday you can forgive me in your heart.”
The girl told Hawley that it “really did hurt” when he had molested her.
“Well, I’m very sorry,” Hawley responded. “I really am.”
He said he still cared about the girl and her mom.
“I’ve been having bad dreams about it, though,” the girl responded.
“Like I said, there ain’t nothing to say but sorry,” Hawley told her. “You can’t redo the past, and nobody can.”
Hawley then hung up.
He was arrested after the phone call and convicted by a jury in November 2007 of repeated sexual assault of a child.
The mother and daughter both testified against him.
“As soon as I found out, I didn’t care what happened to him,” the mother said. “His butt belongs in prison now.
“If he did it to her, he’ll do it to someone else.”
Asking for mercy
Hawley didn’t testify in his own defense.
And he never spoke during his sentencing hearing.
His health had been failing. He had a heart condition and back problems.
He once was taken from jail to a local hospital because it was believed he had a heart attack, according to court records. It turned out he had a spleen problem.
Many of Hawley’s friends and family members sent letters to the judge, asking for leniency.
Hawley’s parents, who had been married 66 years and still lived in the same farmhouse, asked the judge for help.
“We are 89 and 90 years old this year and need Jerry home to drive for us and take care of our needs,” his mother wrote to the judge. “Jerry is our only family to help us, and if my husband can get better, we need help to go into assisted living.”
A lifelong friend asked the judge for mercy.
“I have known Jerry since he was a baby. I have always known him to be a kind and gentle person,” the friend wrote. “Jerry is not a violent person and not a violent threat to society.”
Another friend told the judge a long prison sentence would kill Hawley.
“Jerry’s health condition is deteriorating, and a long prison sentence would be a death sentence,” the friend wrote. “Without Jerry, his parents would surely not have long to live.”
Despite their pleas, the judge in May sentenced Hawley to 10 years in prison.
Hawley is appealing his conviction.
Moving on
The mother never had money or insurance to pay for counseling for her daughter after the sexual assaults.
Her daughter, now 12, is about to become a teen. She likes computers, television and bikes. She is a fan of Hannah Montana. She has two cats and a dog.
She’s doing well, but she’s had social and emotional problems at school, the mother said.
“I think she’s moved on,” she said. “I think she feels better now that he’s in jail.”
Sexual assaults are on the rise in Walworth County
More sexual assaults than ever are being reported in Walworth County, officials said.
The number of sexual assault investigations referred to the Walworth County District Attorney’s Office for prosecution has increased by an average of 14 percent a year since 2004, according to the office’s records.
“What statistics are showing so far is that adolescent and child sexual assaults are on the rise,” said Gen Reed of the Association for the Prevention of Family Violence in Elkhorn.
The reasons for the increase could be that people are more willing to report sexual abuse, and school officials and parents are more aware of the problem, Walworth County District Attorney Phil Koss said.
Juvenile were victims in 77 percent of the sexual assaults reported in Wisconsin in 2004, according to the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault.
And when a child is molested, the perpetrator often is someone the child knows, Walworth County Sheriff’s Capt. Dana Nigbor said.
It’s very unlikely the suspect will be a stranger, she said.
The perpetrator typically is part of the child’s social network, and the person is brought into the child’s life by a family member, Nigbor said.
It could be Mom’s boyfriend, a significant other, a babysitter, neighbor or relative, she said.
And the crimes occur everywhere.
“It’s not one community; it’s not one socioeconomic status,” Reed said. “It does happen in every community.”
Sexual predators know how to find their marks, Reed said, and they target women who are insecure.
“We’re finding that there are a lot of different feelings about bringing that person into the household and the guilt,” Reed said. “But it’s not the non-offending parent’s fault.”
Support is the most important part of a child’s recovery, Reed said.
“The first thing is to believe your children when they tell you they’ve been sexually assaulted,” Nigbor said. “It’s a terrible hurdle for the child when the mom does not believe what happened.
“That’s always a constant struggle. That’s why sexual assaults are so underreported; they’re worried people won’t believe them,” Nigbor said.
Children should know the abuse was not their fault, Reed said, and that they are not alone.
They should seek counseling, support groups and become educated about sexual abuse, she said.
“Kids are pretty resilient,” Reed said.
SEXUAL ASSAULT FACTS
Reports to Wisconsin law enforcement in 2004 indicate:
-- 5,618 sexual assaults were reported.
-- 85 percent of victims were female.
-- 93 percent of offenders were male.
-- 88 percent of sexual assaults were perpetrated by someone who knew the victim.
-- 77 percent of sexual assault victims were juveniles.
Source: The Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault
FOR HELP
Below are resources for sexual assault victims:
The Association for the Prevention of Family Violence
What: Works with hospitals, law enforcement and human services to help children and families hurt by sexual abuse.
Services: Legal help, advocacy, support groups, individual counseling, referrals to other agencies and support for family.
Where: 461 E. Geneva St., Elkhorn.
Office hours: 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday.
Sexual assault crisis hotlines
-- Walworth County 24-hour crisis line: (262) 723-4653.
-- Rock County 24-hour crisis line: (608) 752-2583.
Physical signs of abuse
-- Bruises.
-- Cuts.
-- Irritation, pain or injury to the genital area.
-- Venereal diseases.
-- Nightmares.
Behavioral signs of abuse
-- One child may be treated differently than another in the family.
-- The child may arrive early to school and leave late.
-- Nervous, aggressive, hostile or disruptive behavior toward adults.
-- Running away.
-- Abuse of alcohol or drugs.
Words to watch for
-- “He fooled around with me.”
-- “My mother’s boyfriend does things to me when she’s not there.”
-- “I don’t like to be alone with my father.”
-- “I’m afraid to go home tonight.”
-- “Will you help me go live with my aunt?”
Source: National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse
Aug 20, 2008 at 2:41 p.m.
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i say take care of their privates. maybe that will detur them. Also dont give me the " well theyre ill " no s#$T shirlock. what normal person should do this. so sick treatment for the sick!!!!
Aug 19, 2008 at 3:57 p.m.
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Unfortunately this kind of situation happens much more often than anyone realizes. Several years ago I met a man, dated him for over a year, married him and later discovered he'd been molesting my 7 year old daughter while I worked. The abuse went on for almost 2 years before I found out about it.
When I did find out, I took her immediately to the hospital and reported it to the police. I had to send my daughter to stay with her biological father for 2 weeks so that I could get my husband out of the house, the police were investigating so didn't make an immediate arrest eventhough my daughter and I fully cooperated with their questioning. I then got both her and myself into counseling so that I would be better able to help her deal with the trauma and because I was feeling so helpless, guilty, angry and depressed myself. Eventually the police requested him to appear for an interview and he was arrested and released the same day.
He took a plea bargain and pled no contest which was good in that my daughter didn't have to testify during a trial, however, the plea bargain allowed him to get off with just 6 months in the county jail with work release priviledges! He was convicted of only 1 count of Sexual Battery on a child, eventhough this had been going on for almost 2 years!
The thought of taking him back into my life was the absolute furthest thing from my mind, in fact I moved my family so that we wouldn't have to remain in a house filled with those memories. My daughter is now a grown woman, married and with a year old daughter of her own. She and I are closer than we ever were, but I still have lingering anger and the unanswered question 'Why???'
But what really amazes me is that this story gets front page, with my ex-husband it rated no more than 2 or 3 lines in the local section telling that he'd been arrested. And while he is permanently on the Sex Offender Registry, he continues to live and work in Janesville as if nothing happened. Last I heard he was re-married to a woman with young children! In my opinion, justice was NOT served in my case, at least this one will be off the streets, unlike my ex and many others.
Aug 18, 2008 at 2:06 p.m.
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syscokid- i am sure he will be taken care of in jail by "buba"
Aug 18, 2008 at 2:03 p.m.
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sorry dispite his health and his parents needs- LET HIM ROT!!!!!!! maybe he should have considered his parents needs and leave little girls alone. I have no remorse for people that abuse children!!!!!
Aug 18, 2008 at 1:20 p.m.
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Now at 50 I could still use counseling for years of abuse from my father. I don't blame my Mom as I never told her until it got too bad and then my Dad was gone. He disappeared and was protected by his family. I found out years later he also molested his step daughter and was finally going to go to prison for raping his step granddaughter (who some say may of been his own daughter) when he died of a heart attack. Thank God one sicko off the streets. I'm so glad the judge didn't listen to the family and believed the little girl. Please for her sake and the Moms too get counseling--it will come back to haunt her. Badger care does cover it for BOTH the Mom and daughter.
Aug 18, 2008 at 9:32 a.m.
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What about the mom? She could probably benefit from counseling as well. I'm sure she is feeling some guilt over what happened to her daughter. Also, I wonder if she has some self-esteem issues if she asked a man she went out with only four or five times to move in with her. Finally, the article indicates that the mom thought her daughter was lying to get attention when she first told her mother about the abuse. What kind of mother could think that about their own child? Children do not generally make these things up, so if a child makes an accusation, it cannot be taken lightly. There are a lot of children out there who do not tell anyone for fear of not being believed, and this article reinforces that. How sad is it that children wonder if mom or dad will believe that they are being abused?
Aug 18, 2008 at 8:22 a.m.
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To finsih my comment. My ex is now with my sister and her children. Which I find as a betrayal on my sisters part. She knew this man as long as I have. She seen the abuse he inflicted on me and my children. She was there everyday durning the court trail and heard everything I did. She was there durning the doctor examines for my child and seen how hard it was for her to go through at 8yrs old. Now my sister choose him over us and is planning on marry him in the future. We have not spoken for many yrs and it will stay that way. She has 2 children who are in thier teens that don't know of this man's crimes. They plan on leaving it that way. Everyone says he is a changed man, he has never hurt another child, and to stay with my sister he had to go through 8yrs of counciling to prove he would never do it again and she can trust him. A leopard never changes it's spots. Maybe he has never hurt another child. But he hurt my child and left her scarred for life. I feel that everyone of them should walk around with a big sign around their necks stating their crime. I believe the punishment should be harder on them, life in prison. They need to be reminded everyday that they are allowed to breath about the crime they have commited against a child. God teaches us to forgive all. I can not forgive or forget and I will never be able to.
Aug 18, 2008 at 5:53 a.m.
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SarahB,
Thank you! As a social worker myself, I am not sure I could have stated it so well.
Aug 17, 2008 at 11:01 p.m.
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I agree counseling is best however, forcing this child to talk about it will not get you anywhere. I too have a child that was assualted by someone she trusted and it took a long time for her to talk about it. The best thing is for her mother to inform teachers, and individuals that the child trusts to be there for her when she is ready. My daughter told more to her teachers than her counselor.
Aug 17, 2008 at 9:20 p.m.
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'They had gone out four or five times when she invited him to live with her in her ranch home'
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its not an option for you to MEET my kids until weve hung out 4 or 5 times, at the minimum, and even then you better be pretty freakin kewl. the problem is to many people seem to justify their existance by having someone in their life. even if that someone is a negative, its better for them than being alone so they put blinders on and the children suffer. its sad.
Aug 17, 2008 at 8:20 p.m.
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No, thank you.
Aug 17, 2008 at 7:57 p.m.
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Let's start a petition for that court proceeding to terminate the mother's right.....I definately will sign it!!
Aug 17, 2008 at 6:07 p.m.
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As wiskitty points out, there are many cases where family members turn against family members and take the side of the accused abuser, and as evansvillehousewife points out, women who take the abusers back into their home. This is the reality we have to deal with. It's pretty common on internet threads for people to talk about life in prison or some kind of violence or public execution for an abuser, but the reality is very often suspended sentences. The reality is plea bargains that may eliminate a charge requiring registration. Given these realities, the question is how we find the best outcome for the child.
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It should be noted that custody can be limited or terminated if a parent allows a sex offender back into the home. But it does require a court hearing.
Aug 17, 2008 at 5:02 p.m.
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If the child hasn't had counseling yet, please get her some help. I am an addictions-certified registered nurse and a social worker. It is a research-based fact that these child victims, more than their peers, turn to alcohol and other drugs later in life. Once the abuse begins, the opportunities for a good life begin to fall like dominoes. Please seek help for this girl and all the other children who are or have been in her situation. Not sure where to get help? A call to the county crisis line will get you headed in the right direction. It's a 24/7 help line. Please call now.
Aug 17, 2008 at 4:39 p.m.
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People that do these things need to be castrated. End of story.
Aug 17, 2008 at 3:51 p.m.
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Sorry Mom, you are not the hero here in my eyes. I sure hope you learn how to deal with the additional pain you caused your daughter. Just wanting attention.....that is just a cop out. She definately DID depend on him financially, if she would have had to pay a daycare, she wouldn't have been able to afford it probably, so believing her daughter was more of a burden to mom than to just ignore it and make an excuse. SELFISH.
Aug 17, 2008 at 3:35 p.m.
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NO MONEY OR INSURANCE for counseling for this poor young girl?? There are FREE counseling centers for low income families!!!! Take her to one, even your local church is better than nothing. These things just don't "GO AWAY"!! Fix her now before she's REALLY broken.
Aug 17, 2008 at 2:55 p.m.
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bn 1967: this may sound corny, but Thank you for protecting your kids and beng a responsible parent...and also a realistic parent. I sure wish more were like you! As a nurse I have taken care of some of these kids when they have been brought to be examined. Their innocence is gone and they damaged forever. I also fully agree that these men can't be rehabilitated, as a matter of fact studies have pointed to that fact. They are sick!
Aug 17, 2008 at 2:35 p.m.
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As a single Mom who has dated a few men THE FIRST and MOST IMPORTANT person is my child. I never would leave my child alone with the guy I dated and never moved in with any of them. I was always suspicious until he prooved himself trustworthy. My ex-brother-in-law abused and molested his and my ex-sister-in-laws adopted and foster children so I know what kind of signs to look for am very picky when it comes to the guys I would date and have to be since my child is top priority. Thank goodness I've finally got a man in my life who is a Dad himself and our children get along great and all is good. I couldn't imagine staying with a guy who I knew had done that to my child; I ended a relationship with a man when he became too strict with my child and my child began hating going over to his house even for dinner. I put her first and that is that. There is no help for these kinds of men that abuse or molest children. Lock them up for good!
Aug 17, 2008 at 2:30 p.m.
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Thank you soo much for bringing this sick act to the forefront of society. Our children are our #1 priority. If we don't protect them as we raise them, who will?
Aug 17, 2008 at 1:42 p.m.
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evansvillehousewife: I agree with you 100%! I would rather not have someone in my life and make sure my kids were safe than to be sad because I didn't have a boyfriend! You are so right in saying that when you have a child you MUST protect them. Those kids are the mom's/dad's (there are female abusers also) responsibility to keep safe. If the single parent needs to be in a relationship that badly, then they need some help! Otherwise go to the "toy store" and get some batteries! At least the child is safe and the sick jerks aren't succeeding! I turned in a case of sexual abuse to a child once. The whole family is so dysfunctional! The girl was taken to counseling for only what was mandated then they stopped. She is still a mess to this day and this was 6 years ago. The offending family member is in jail and the other family members expect her to talk to him as if nothing happened! Sick, sick, sick!
Aug 17, 2008 at 12:21 p.m.
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This community is lucky to have the Care House for interviewing abused children. They can record the child's interview in a comfortable environment so the child isn't further traumatized by repeating their story over and over to strangers as their case goes through the court and social service systems.
http://www.ywca.org/site/pp.asp?c=brKMIX...
Aug 17, 2008 at 12:09 p.m.
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http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fus...
That is the myspace page of a guy that is has been charged with raping his 15 year old stepdaughter.... he was with the mom for like 7 years. So it;s not just new guys you have to watch out for, it can be people you trust...
he last logged into the page 8 days before he was arrested. Nte his mood. how sick is that...
Aug 17, 2008 at 11:58 a.m.
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Wait a second... the mother was TOLD by and 11 year old girl her boyfriend molested her, he moved out and then MOVED BACK IN? She says that she didn't care after she found out... but that was over a year after the little girl told her THE FIRST TIME?
Add to that the girl wanted the man back because the mom was sad she "didn't have a boyfriend".. And now the woman doesn't pay the $$ to get her counseling... how sick. And once the guy moved in and the was suspicious? She SHIPPED HER DAUGHTER OUT?
it sounds like this woman is not ready to raise a child. Once you give birth... you are to PROTECT THAT CHILD. THAT is your new job. NOT to have a boyfriend, not to get laid, NOT to be your child's friend and have the "coolest kid ever"
This poor little girl has ONE mom and that mom chose this pedophile's attention and chose to ship her daughter out of her won home so the molestor could be happier?
Poor little girl. I hope mom has her tubes tied. I'll never understand how women can carry a baby for nine months, go through the sleepless nights of raising an infant, the rigors of toddler raising, only to let their kids get molested because they don;t want to bother kicking the molestors out of thier home?
Aug 17, 2008 at 10 a.m.
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nothing wrong with having the death penalty just for people like this,as the usa over populates things will get worse
Aug 17, 2008 at 9:51 a.m.
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This guy deserves to rot in prison not be out driving his parents to the drugstore. I guess he should have thought about that before he raped that little girl.
Aug 17, 2008 at 9 a.m.
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Here's a website where you can get a background check for free:
http://criminalsearches.com/?gclid=CLTum...
Aug 17, 2008 at 8:27 a.m.
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I hope that guy rots in hell. Asking for a lesser charge? Come on your a looser who ruined this little girls life and you want forgiveness? Please your a selfish man who deserves to rot in prison. Sicko!!!!
Aug 17, 2008 at 4:37 a.m.
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This is something long known to researchers in the field.
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Nontraditional structure of families raises risk of child abuse, scholars say
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articl...
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"Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological parents", according to one study. Several others by David Finkelhor, a leading sexual abuse scholar, have found that kids "in stepfamilies or with single parents are at higher risk of physical or sexual assault than children living with two biological or adoptive parents".
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This isn't to suggest that second marriages or dating after divorce are wrong, or even that a majority of step-parents are abusers. But it may reflect limited choices for dating parents and dysfunctional family patterns after the trauma of a divorce.
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I'm a bit concerned that the story's police sources describe a pattern of sexual predators seeking out families. This is contrary to research which shows that the majority (75-90%) of incidents are first-time offenders.
http://blogs.wsj.com/numbersguy/how-like...
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These attitudes contribute to a social atmosphere that believes that sex offenders are "incurable" and doomed to repeat their crimes as soon as practical. While there are dangerous predators, they are a lurid headline-grabbing minority. As this article shows, many offenders are someone the victim knows and trusts. Understanding the circumstances is critical to formulating a policy response.
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