Janesville73°

Just a(nother) little chat with Bill

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Rick Horowitz
April 8, 2008
“Rrriiiiinnnng! Rrriiiiinnnng! Rrriii…”

“Yeah, hello?”


“Good morning…please hold for President Clinton.”


“Look, I can’t talk right now, I’m right in the middle of…”


“Roy! It’s Bill Clinton! How ya doin’, you old dog?”


“Fine, Mr. President. We’re doing fine. How about yourself?”


“Can’t complain, Roy. Can’t complain.”


“That’s great, Mr. President. I’m glad to…”


“Just thought I’d call my old friend Roy to chew the fat for a bit. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”


“You called yesterday, Mr. President.”


“Really?”


“And the day before yesterday.”


“Well…”


“And three times last week.”


“Can’t put anything over on you, can I?”


“It’s not that, Mr. President. It’s just … well, we’re still on vacation, you know, and I still don’t haven’t anything to tell you one way or the other.”


“Perfectly fine, Roy! It isn’t easy bein’ a super-delegate—I understand that. And so does Hillary.”


“Well, send her our best, Mr. President.”


“I sure will, Roy. But I’m kinda hopin’ I can send her your vote.”


“I…”


“It would mean a lot to her, Roy. It would mean a lot to me. We’re gettin’ down to the short straws now, and every delegate really counts.”


“You’re … you’re breaking up, Mr. President. I can’t hear you.”


“How about now? Lemme turn around here a little … is this any better?”


“A little better, Mr. President. You know, the signal up here isn’t all that…”


“I was sayin’ how every delegate really counts, Roy. And she’d be a great president—you just know she’d be a great president.”


“I’m sure she…”


“But she’s gotta get the nomination first, and that means you folks need to keep your powder dry … can’t have you endorsin’ anybody else. She’s movin’ up, you know.”


“Well, I guess that all depends on how you count the…”


“I still remember that trip that time—what were you, down six with just 11 days to go?”


“You’ve got a great memory, Mr. President.”


“When it’s friends, Roy, you always remember that kind of stuff. I’ll bet you remember, too.”


“No, that was a great help—no question about it. And we’ve always been—I’m sure I’ve told you this before—we’ve always been very grateful to you for coming out. It was a great speech. It really made a difference.”


“Just doin’ what I could, Roy. That’s what friends are for.”


“Good name for a song, Mr. President. Maybe you could…”


“But seriously, Roy—we need you with us. We can’t do it without…”


“You’re breaking up again.”


“I hate these things! You can’t even—hey, I know! Why don’t I drop by and we can talk a little face to face!”


“Well, we’ll be back next week, Mr. President, and maybe we…”


“I mean today. I’m just drivin’ around here, and I think I’m right outside your hotel.”


“In Alaska?!”


“Won’t be any problem at all. Just lemme park, and I’ll…”


“I can’t hear you, Mr. President. We’re losing the signal again.”


“Roy, don’t hang up on me.”


“I’m losing you, Mr. President. Why don’t we talk next week, OK?”


“I mean it, Roy! Don’t you hang up on…”


Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.

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