Janesville72.5°

Superspouse would do anything for the little woman

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Rick Horowitz
November 13, 2007

It lies somewhere between Washington and the North Pole, at the end of a curving road carved into a picturesque hillside. Those few who wander past pay it no mind; but for the constant, eerie glow of multiple flat-screens on multiple walls, it could be any house.


It isn’t any house. It’s the Fortress of Attitude, legendary redoubt of Superspouse and the Lady Hillary. We’ve made it past the gates somehow, and past the guards. (Don’t ask.) We’ve made it through the front door. We can see yet not be seen, hear yet not be heard.


What’s happening?


Only this: Superspouse is going a little bit nuts.


The Lady Hillary is out of town again, and Superspouse, alone again in the Fortress of Attitude, is trying to adjust. It’s not that he’s unaccustomed to the Lady Hillary being out of town; she’s away far more often than she’s here. At the moment, she’s doing what she often does when she’s out of town: She’s trying to become The Leader of the Free World.


Superspouse couldn’t be more supportive. He’s in her corner all the way.


Superspouse knows just how important a job it is, being The Leader of the Free World. He’s even been The Leader of the Free World himself. He had such a great time at it, people said, that when his eight years in the White House were up, they nearly had to drag him out of the place.


Now it’s the Lady Hillary’s turn, and Superspouse couldn’t be more supportive.


That’s why the multiple flat-screens are constantly aglow on multiple walls: Superspouse wants to know everything. He wants to keep track of all the strategies, all the polls. He wants to hear everything the Lady Hillary says as she tries to become The Leader of the Free World, and—even more important—everything everyone else says about her.


If he doesn’t like something they say about her, Superspouse is perfectly ready to fire back. That’s just the way he is. Supportive.


He’s already done it more than once. Wasn’t it mere days ago that he compared the Lady Hillary’s Democratic rivals to Swift-boating Republicans, simply for raising questions about her less-than-crystalline positions on various issues? And when the Lady Hillary’s campaign complained about those rivals “piling on,” wasn’t it Superspouse who soon chimed in that “those boys have been getting tough on her lately”?


It’s all part of the strategy, some say. Another clever move in the Lady Hillary’s master plan. There’s another possibility, of course: Superspouse just won’t shut up. Can’t shut up.


There’s a campaign going on, after all, and Superspouse has spent his life running campaigns. Why should this one be any different just because his isn’t the name on the ballot? If the Lady Hillary wins, Superspouse still gets to move back into the White House, doesn’t he? He gets to help her be Leader of the Free World, doesn’t he?


Assuming, of course, he’ll be willing simply to help her.


Assuming, of course, she has any intention of letting him.


Superspouse can’t think about that now. The most important thing is winning, and that means letting no attack on the Lady Hillary go unanswered, even if an answer from Superspouse makes the Lady Hillary look as if she can’t fight her own fights.


He can’t think about that now. Instead he sits here in the Fortress of Attitude, with the flat-screens glowing, his excitement growing, his frustration growing, and he says to himself, “How dare they?”


How dare they demean and diminish the Lady Hillary?


That’s his job.

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