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Holiday harmony: It’s time for a Ho-Ho-Horowitz Christmas

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Rick Horowitz
December 19, 2007
You’ve looked at the calendar, yes? So you know what’s coming, don’t you? Grab your songbooks, boys and girls—it’s time for Yet Another Ho-Ho-Horowitz Christmas! And a one, and a two. and a…

Fill…the halls and make it raucous,


Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,


I-o-wa’s about to caucus,


Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.


They go first and we resent ’em,


Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la,


Why should they decide momentum?

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.


* * *


Rudolph the Giuliani,


Had a honey on the side,


And if you saw the records,


You would have to say he lied.


It takes a lot of planning,


When the mayor’s on a spree,


Nice to have Bernie Kerik


Vouch for his integrity!


* * *


See Major Leaguers hustling,


Mus-mus-muscling, too,


The scandal spreads like tumors


’Cause all those rumors are true.


They thickened up with lotions,


With pills and potions and goo,


While Selig watched them playing


And now is saying, “Who knew?”


* * *


Georgie the “No” man,


With his veto pen unfurled,


Picking lots of spats with the Democrats


While he tries to run the world.


They send him budgets,


And he always sends them back,


Saying “Not my taste”…


But it’s fine to waste


Half a trillion in Iraq.


* * *


Ed…wards fights…


For…your rights…


Just one goal…


In his sights.


Boyish charm and that megawatt smile,


Hard…to square with a bellicose style,


Swears he’s just what we ne-ed:


Millionaires hammering greed.


* * *


Mitt’s beginning to sound a lot like Christmas,


Ev’rywhere he goes,


He says Jesus is Number One—


(Till Iowa is done)—


Is it real or only just a pose?


Mitt’s beginning to spook a lot of Christians,


Rivals closing in,


So no matter what Romney says,


‘bout a Mormon as the prez,


He’s a might-have-been.


* * *


Ahmedinejad…


Ahmedinejad…


Hear the president keep saying,


“Ahmedinejad, you’re through.”


With uranium…


On the cranium…


What a blow to all that braying,


If the NIE is true!


* * *


O here we go Kucinich-ing,


A task we know so well,


Though Dennis hasn’t even


A snowball’s chance in hell.


Why’s he still on the stage?


Why won’t he just act his age?


’Stead of sta-ting positions


With no ifs, no ands, no buts,


Still he’s not Alan Keyes:


He isn’t nuts.


* * *


O Huckabee,


Mike Huckabee,


You came from out of nowhere,


O Huckabee,


Mike Huckabee,


You’re giving them a good scare.


You smile and tell the smoothest jokes,


You come across like reg’lar folks,


O Huckabee,


Mike Huckabee,


But is there any "there" there?


* * *


Said the Veep to the people ev’rywhere,


“Do you fear what I fear?


Be afraid, people ev’rywhere!


Do you fear what I fear?


It’s nukes, it’s nukes,


Controlled by foreign kooks,


Which is why I’m threat’ning Iran—


When it comes to kooks,


I’m your man.”


* * *


Oba-ma is faithful,


Not like Hill’ry’s husband,


O run, Bill,


Have fun Bill,


Ev’ry cha-ance you get.


Run after ladies,


Scandal’s ‘round the corner,


He cannot keep his pants on,


He will not keep his pants on,


We cannot take a chance on


Him ge-etting bored!



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